Surviving the truth

16| babys first ferry ride

I wasn't scheduled to work today and neither was Derek, so we decided to make this into sort of a family day and take Emma out together. I say sort of because I wouldn't necessarily call the three of us a family. It's a fairly warm fall day, so I dressed Emma in a white dress with little red strawberries on it with a matching bow and white socks. She's definitely the cutest little baby in the whole world. I know all parents say this, but Emma truly is.

Derek wanted to take Emma on her first ferry ride, so I agreed. He also had plans to go up to his land to talk to his contractor about his house plans since we'd be in the area. Derek drove and once his car was on the ferry, I took Emma out of her car seat and we headed up to the outside deck of the ferry. I had Emma wrapped in a white knitted blanket to keep her warm since it does get a little chilly on the ferry, and I don't need her to get sick.

"Derek, you look like a tourist." I said. "Put that camera down."

"Hey, I need to capture my daughter's first ferry ride with her pretty mama."

I smiled and rolled my eyes. "You're a ferry boat enthusiast. Don't turn my daughter into one too."

Derek grinned. "Give her to me."

I leaned over the ferry boat railing. This may be one of the most perfect days to be out on the ferry. The water is the bluest I've ever seen, and so is the sky. I turned around and smiled at Derek and Emma. I'm pretty sure the rest of my life I'll continue to wonder how the hell Derek Shepherd keeps looking sexier while holding a baby.

Maybe I just think that because he's holding my baby.

I saw younger and probably single women staring at Derek as he held Emma. They probably think he's sexy too. I walked over to him and took Emma from him. I held her up in the air and kissed her, causing her to smile, and then smirked at the women who were staring at Derek. I was obviously claiming him as my territory, and I don't even know why; I'm not even with Derek.

I hate my jealousy.

As the ferry boat was approaching the ferry station, we went back to Derek's car. I buckled Emma back in her car seat and got into the front beside Derek. It took ten minutes for us to get off the boat once it was docked, but when we did get off, first thing we did was drive up to Derek's land. While he talked with his contractor, I took Emma on a little walk on his land. I haven't been up there since I told him I was pregnant.

Crazy right?

I missed his land. I forgot how amazing the view he has is. I kind of hope Emma will like the outdoors just like Derek, but she'll probably end up as a spoiled little brat like I was. I'm definitely not looking forward to when that day comes.

"Hey, ready to go?"

I turned around and saw Derek approaching me. "I still can't believe you sold the trailer. I thought you loved the trailer."

"Yeah, well, it was good when it was just me. When I bought this land, I had the idea of building a house, and now that I have a daughter, I'm going through with the plan, which meant, bye-bye trailer, right Emma?"

I smiled. "When will it be built and livable?"

"Hopefully by next fall if everything goes to plan. So unfortunately for you, I'll be your roommate for a year."

Is it really unfortunate for me? I don't think so.

"Let's go, I want to eat lunch."

"Lexie wants me to have dinner with my dad and his wife." I brought up. "She won't listen when I say it's a bad idea."

"Are you asking for my opinion on this?" Derek asked.

"No, I don't care about your opinion anymore unless it concerns Emma."

"You should. I'm a smart man; an experienced man."

"A smart man; I don't know about that. Experienced, depends in what department."

"I'm sure you know what department." He winked at me and I laughed.

"God I hate you."

"No you don't. You love me, just admit it."

"Okay, I'll admit something. I love... Emma so much." I tapped her nose and she smiled. "She honestly has the most perfect smile."

Derek leaned on his left arm and smiled at me. "Are we ever going to try again, Meredith? Start over?" I looked up when he said that. "We have a daughter together, and I know you feel the same as I feel towards you."

I sighed. "I won't lie and say I haven't thought of it, and god, I get jealous when I see women looking at you for some reason. But Derek, you lost my trust when you didn't tell me about Addison and then chose to stay with her after telling me you chose me. You really need to earn my trust back to show me that I'm the one you want because I don't want to go all in like last time and then get hurt."

"I never wanted to hurt you, Meredith, and I'm sorry I did, but it was the past and it's time to move on. Addison is gone, and I do want to be with you." He sat up straighter in his chair. "And I won't lie and say I'm not building this house for the three of us because I am. That's why I wanted your opinion on it."

"You're building that house for us?" I asked.

"Meredith, yes. Why else would I be building this big of a house?"

"Let's just... focus on Emma. She's more important than us; whatever we are. And we shouldn't jeopardize anything."

"Okay, and you continue to think of how great of a guy I am." He grinned. "Especially in bed."

"Hey, watch what you say. I still have the authority to kick you out."

"But you won't."

Derek's right, I won't. I like him around, and it's nice having him around for Emma's first year of life. Plus, I can't believe I'm saying this, but I feel safer in the house when he's there.

I can't believe I'm turning into such a girl; needing a man to feel safe.

I hate what I'm turning into.

I guess having a baby changes you.