Surviving the truth

5| an unexpected visitor

My stomach, and definitely my boobs, have been getting noticeably bigger. I'm sure everyone knows I'm pregnant by now without me making a huge announcement. They're definitely wondering who the daddy is. There're rumors saying Derek is, but there're other rumors saying I cheated on Derek just like his wife cheated on him.

I hate rumors.

Derek and Addison have been noticeably arguing around the hospital. Maybe he told her the baby's his. Maybe she's upset and going to divorce him now. I mean I wouldn't blame her. Wait. Why do I even care?

I don't care about Derek Shepherd.

I don't care about Derek Shepherd.

I don't care about Derek Shepherd.

I had just finished a surgery when Addison stopped me in the hallway.

"Meredith can you just tell me. Is Derek the father?"

"Go ask your husband."

"Meredith." Addison pleaded with her eyes. "I need to hear it from you."

"My baby has no father. I've come to accept that, and I'm okay with it."

"You don't want Derek around because of me." She concluded. "He's a good guy, Meredith. Would even make an amazing father. Don't do this to him because of me. He's always wanted kids." Addison paused and took a deep breath before admitting to me she's unable to have kids. "I've seemed to fail him in that department."

I think she was trying to guilt me into allowing Derek in. I'm not going to let her do this. She has no right to guilt me into anything. I'm doing what's best for me and my unborn child. Besides, I don't want a cheating woman to be my child's step-mother or second mother or whatever the hell she would be to my child.

"I'm sorry, but I'm not going to let him hurt this baby just like he hurt me."

As I was eating lunch in the cafeteria with my friends, I could tell everyone was staring at me. I've been very hormonal lately, and I felt like yelling at everyone to stop, which I eventually did.

"I'm not a stupid museum artifact! Stop staring at me!"

"Meredith, calm down." Izzie said.

"No! I'm sick and tired of everyone trying to be in my business. Yes, I'm pregnant! And who is the dad you all want to know? Who the fuck cares because it's none of your business." Everyone's eyes drifted off me. "Yeah, look away!"

"Mer, relax." George said.

"Maybe I should just work at my mom's hospital. Nobody would dare to gossip about the chief of surgery's daughter."

"Wait, who's your mom?" George asked.

I got up from the table with my tray. "Ellis Grey."

I was so happy when my shift ended. I just wanted to go home and take a nice warm bubble bath to relax in. I changed out of my scrubs and then waited for the elevator. When it arrived and the doors opened, I saw Derek inside leaning against the wall. I could had waited for the next one, or even taken the stairs, but I just needed to get out of this hospital as fast a possible, so I stepped on.

I didn't say a word to Derek, though he did say hi to me.

"Meredith." He walked over to me, but I kept turning my body so I wouldn't have to see him. "Meredith, the least you can do is acknowledge my existence."

"Just leave me alone, Derek. You chose to stay with your wife. I'm okay with that and I'm giving you an easy out. I don't need you; we don't need you. I grew up without a dad, and I turned out fine. Just leave me alone."

The elevator arrived on the first floor and I stepped out. I was surprised when Derek didn't rush after me trying to get me to change my mind because usually he does. Instead, he just stood in the elevator stunned. Maybe he is realizing he fucked up how he dealt with this whole ordeal when his wife showed up.

Instead of going straight to my car, I sat down on one of the benches outside of the hospital. I had my arms wrapped around my little baby bump. I wanted Derek, but he already made his decision. He'd rather stay with his cheating wife than be with me even though he knew I'm pregnant at the time of his decision.

Am I even doing the right thing keeping Derek away? Is it right for me to keep my baby's dad away just because I'm mad he didn't pick me? No, he lied to me. He had two months to tell me about his wife. He never did. This is his own fault. I'm not letting my baby get involved in the mess he caused.

God, I must be my mother's daughter. She kept me away from my father because she was upset with him. I never wanted to be my mother, and now I am.

A week later, an unexpected visitor arrived at Seattle Grace that shook things up. I was at the nurses' station copying down a patient's health information from the computer to his chart when a man's voice said, "Invasive non-small-cell with a history of COPD? That guy's pretty much a goner."

I turned around and saw a tall, good looking man behind me. "Sensitivity, I like that in a stranger. Are you new here?"

"Visiting. Confounded by all the rain and it's only my first day in town. Makes me want to stay in bed all day."

"We just met and you're talking about bed. Not very subtle."

"Subtle's never been my strong suit. So do you go out with co-workers?" He asked.

"I make it a rule not to." He obviously didn't realize I'm pregnant. I must not be as big as I feel and think I am.

"Then I am so glad that I don't work here."

"Are you hitting on me? In a hospital?"

"Would that be wrong?"

As I was about to answer, the man received a fist to his face, and I quickly took a step back. The fist belonged to Derek. "What the hell was that?" I asked.

Derek was shaking his hand to ease the pain. "That was Mark."

"And your name is..." Mark said to me.

"Meredith." I answered.

"Oh, Derek's dirty little intern. I heard about you all the way from New York, and I'm sure you've heard about me." He grinned. "We two dirty mistresses gotta stick together if we want to survive in this hospital."

"Stay away from her, Mark." Derek said.

"And who gives you permission to tell anyone who can be near me or not?" I asked Derek. "I'm not your girlfriend, and you're married. You don't have that right anymore; not like you ever did in the first place." As I was about to walk away, I said, "Go ice that hand."