𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝙱𝚒𝚕𝚕𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚊𝚒𝚛𝚎 𝙰𝚏𝚏𝚊𝚒𝚛 || 𝙲𝙾𝙼𝙿𝙻𝙴𝚃𝙴𝙳

Chapter Twenty-Three

My hands shake as the sliding doors open letting me pep into the pearly white walls and the smell of pure cleanness. Hospitals scare me ever since my mother died, I tend to avoid them unless of an emergency.

I take a deep breath and try to push myself to walk through the doors, but I can't. My body is frozen in the middle of the doors to the hospital.

I watch all the nurses in their scrubs walk by. One nurse catches my eye. She stops in her path. Her eyes travel up and down my body stopping at my shaking hands and heavy rising chest. I watch as her presence grows closer to me, "Miss are you alright?" she stops just before the door, "Are you hurt?" her questions just flow through one ear and out the next.

"I can't do this," I mumble out.

"Can't do what Miss?" she takes a final step bringing her outside of the hospital, "Miss please come in," she rests her hands on my shoulder giving me a tug.

"No!" I shout. She stops. She looks at me. I feel embarrassed.

"You can't go in?" she turns back to the door then back at me. I nod, "Okay here's what we're going to do," she slings her arm over my shoulder, "Close your eyes and take deep breaths," I follow her command closing my eyes and taking several deep breaths, "Good now focus on those deep breaths while keeping your eyes close," I focus on my breathing with my eyes still shut. I feel my hands stop shaking after several more deep breaths, "Good now keep breathing with your eyes shut and take two big steps," I do as she says drawing my breath in and taking two big steps before releasing my breath.

I slowly peer my eyes open only to squeeze them shut at the changing of the light. I reopen them again to find myself standing inside the hospital with the nurse beside me.

"You did a good job," she gives me a big smile and squeezes my shoulder again.

I did it! I really did it! I do a little celebration in my head, "Thank you so much," I thank her giving her a quick hug, "I better go check in thank you again it means a lot," she nods before checking back down on her clipboard.

I scuffle my feet along the sheet vinyl right up to the reception desk, "Hi," I greet the young gentleman at the front desk.

"Good morning," he flashes a quick smile, "What can I do for you today?" he asks giving me his full attention.

"Oh, I'm here for an appointment to get some test done," he nods and looks back down at his computer,

"Name?" right name you idiot.

"Charlotte-Rose," he hums still looking at his computer.

"Ah here," he opens a draw and pulls out a clipboard handing it to me, "You just need to fill out this information for us," he passes me a pen, "Once you're done bring it back to me and We'll go from there," I nod mumbling a quick "Thank you" before taking one of the seats.

I glance down at the paper. It's just basic information that I fill out with ease. I hand the paper back to the receptionist and he tells me the doctor will call me soon to start the examination test.

Five minutes pass I'm still waiting, my leg is bouncing up and down my nerves are high, "Charlotte-Rose," finally my name is called.

I rush to my feet as the doctor reaches me, "Charlotte-Rose?" he questions.

I nod, "Yes."

"Alright follow me," the doctor starts walking off at flash speed.

I scurry behind him as my nerve picks up again. My hand start shaking badly. My eyes dart around the hall. Everything is so goddamn white! I scoff at myself.

The doctor opens the door for me, "After you," he nods in his office. Okay, Okay deep breaths you can do this don't chicken out now. I walk in giving him a tight smile on the way past. Yes, good job now just a few tests then you've done the hard part.

I take a seat and watch the doctor walk in closing the door behind him. You've got this. You can do this. I chant over in my head as he speaks to me.

••••••

I close the door to my apartment just in time for the tears to fall. Forty-eight hours and they'll call me again to see if they need to run any more tests. That was one of the hardest things to do.

How the lady looked at me taking my blood to when I walked out of the hospital it's like word spread and all of them knew I was getting an examination done.

Small sobs break out through my swollen lips from all the biting I've been doing on my walk back to my apartment. God, why is the whole process so long and confusing? I slide myself down the door until my ass comes in contact with the cold wooden floor.

I can't do this. If I have to take more tests I'm going to scream. All the questions they asked about my past then when they realised, I was that Charlotte-Rose some looked at me like I murdered Harley some apologised to me.

God, I've never felt so judged but yet so much guilt. I drag my knees closer to my chest and rest my head upon them. I need to do something to keep my mind off the hospital for forty-eight hours... and there's only one thing I can think of doing right now, but for right now I'm going to let every single one of my thoughts I had focus on at the hospital in again.

I'm going to let my thoughts drive me crazy for a bit. All because I don't think I could look at him without confessing that I went to the hospital. So, I'm going to let my thoughts become unbearable and turn to him to take them all away with his thrust and his tongue... just his everything.