𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝙱𝚒𝚕𝚕𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚊𝚒𝚛𝚎 𝙰𝚏𝚏𝚊𝚒𝚛 || 𝙲𝙾𝙼𝙿𝙻𝙴𝚃𝙴𝙳

Chapter Twenty-Six

My heart pounds against my chest as the doctor speaks to me. He speaks to me about how he needs to run some more tests but by this time next week, I'll have my answer whether have PTSD or not and what our first steps are to be taken.

I can't tell if I want to cry or scream. I think personally I want to do both if I'm being honest, "Do you have any questions," he asks handing over a piece of paper.

I take the paper and shake my head, "No I'm all good thank you," I stand up from my seat giving his hand a shake before exiting the hospital.

Just a few more tests... Just a few more tests. My pace picks so now that I'm speed walking to my car... well Landon's car. As soon as the door closes beside me, I fall apart. Tears run down my face. Sob after sob falls from my lips and into my puddle of tears.

I can't do this, it's all too much. My fist connects with the stirring wheel four times. A painful scream leaves my mouth. I need my mum.

I need her so much right now it's killing me. I need her touch, her kind, and wise words. I would do anything to have let dad convince you not to go to the store that day. Anything.

My heart feels as if it's ready to jump out of my chest at how fast it's beating against my ribcage. I try to take deep breaths to calm myself down, but not enough oxygen is getting to my lungs to let me take any deep breaths.

I feel like I'm suffocating. I dig into my purse in a hurry trying to find my phone. Everything is a blur as more tears build up and trickle down my cheeks. I finally feel my phone, quickly pulling it out, "Hey Siri," I wait and listen to hear the dig that she is listening, "Call dad," I speak again Siri replies with "Calling Dad".

I put my phone on speaker and listen to the rings. One ring, two rings, "Hello bub," he calming voice rings through the speaker of my phone.

"Dad," my broken voice calls out for him.

"Bub, what's wrong are you crying?" his words caused more sobs to leave my lips lead by more tears dropping from my eyes, "Bub please talk to me tell me what's got you so upset," his voice sounds panic now.

"Dad I could have PTSD," I blurt out, "God and I-I don't know what to do and I really need mum right now but she's not here and everything is just-" my head falls into my hands before I could finish my sentence,

"PTSD?" dad sounds confused I can tell his eyebrows a furrowed together, "Like the PTSD meaning Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder?" he asks, and I nod even though he can't see me.

"Yes dad, as in Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder," I hear him sigh over the phone.

"Oh bub," his voice cracks a bit, "Bub, bub, bub," he's speechless, "How did I miss this?" he questions himself, "How did I miss all the signs? Fuck!" he is beating himself up about it.

"Dad," he stops moving, "It's not your fault I was just good at lying to you. I convinced you I was fine and that it would pass," he sighs again, "Please don't beat yourself up by this it won't help me," I beg him.

"I'll try bub but what's happening now? Did you just get the examination done?" he asks.

"No, I got the examination done last week the doctor just told me he needs to run a few more tests but by this time next week, we should know," a deep inhale comes through the speaker.

"What does Landon think of this?" yes, he knows about Landon, and he knows that I'm in love with someone who doesn't do love.

"I haven't told him," I start to fiddle with my fingers, "And I'm not going to tell him until I know if I have it for sure because I can't lose him, dad," I have the urge to cry again.