𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝙱𝚒𝚕𝚕𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚊𝚒𝚛𝚎 𝙰𝚏𝚏𝚊𝚒𝚛 || 𝙲𝙾𝙼𝙿𝙻𝙴𝚃𝙴𝙳

Chapter Twenty-Seven

We end up going back to Landon's place once visiting hours ended. I'm still in shock about baby Rose. As in Rose named after me Charlie-Rose. Why waste your name on a sweet innocent baby to name her after me? I mean they only know one side of me.

I drop my bag down on his couch letting out a huge yawn, "Oh god I'm tired," I mutter to myself.

"Go upstairs and get changed," Landon says placing a soft kiss on my shoulder, "I'll be up in a sec," I nod and watch him walk down the hall into his office.

Of course, he is going to do work. I sigh again feeling a little upset and pissed that he's going to do work knowing his "I'll be up in a sec" means you might as well go to sleep because I probably won't be up until it's 5:00 am in the morning.

I gently swing his bedroom door open letting a tsunami of his smell hit me. God, it's addicting. The three words still sit at the tip of my tongue. I still want to tell him I love him I just know I can't, so I won't. I just have to pray it won't slip out.

I slip out of my heels after hours of being in them. I walk into his closet and grab the closes shirt to me at this point I don't care anymore. I'm pissed he just walked off to do work like that.

I fling my clothes off and pull his shirt down on my body before getting into his bed alone. All alone. It's not like I'm used to being all alone.

I lie on my side pushed right to the edge of the bed just staring out the window. The stars glisten giving light to the dark sky. If it weren't for the stars nighttime wouldn't be so loved. Everyone would hate it. Everyone thinks the moon and the sunsetting makes it nighttime but in reality, it's the stars shining.

Most people spend their night thinking looking up at the stars. They get lost in thought just looking at these beautiful bright stars.

If I could have been anything I would be a star. Why? Because they're perfect, they're the one thing everyone loves.

I fling the covers off me. I don't want to sleep in an empty bed tonight, so I'll wait for him to go to bed. Then I'll go to bed as well. I grab the sheet off his bed and make my way back downstairs.

I take a right walking by the kitchen and to the back door. I would go to his study, but I don't want him to feel like he has to automatically put it down and come to bed with me.

We aren't together after all.

I slide the door open and walk out onto the deck. I know it's almost summer, but the nights still get pretty cold. Which reminds me my birthday is soon.

My 26th birthday.

Great.

I love that so much.

A consent reminder of the day my ex-best friend died.

I age another year while she stays six feet underground burnt... makes me so fucking happy.

A little bit of me wished it was me in that grave and not Harley some small part of me feels responsible for her death. I mean Kayla and I did buy the stuff... I small tear trickles down my cheek, "Damn it," I wipe my hand over my cheek spreading the water all over my cheek.

My birthday became the anniversary of Harley Quest's death. I walk over to the steps of the deck and sit myself down. If Landon goes to walk upstairs, he'll see me sitting out here. That's if he's paying attention.

I glance back up at the stars. I remember my dad always telling Harper and I when we were younger that our mum was the brightest star up there. I still believe it till this day, "Hi mum."

"I miss you," I blow her a kiss, "So much."

I bring my knees to my chest letting my head rest on them, "I really wish you were still here, and maybe who knows none of this would have happened," Harley could still be alive and who knows maybe I would have never gotten together with him... I wonder if she's disappointed in me. Does my mum hate me for how my life turned out?

She probably does, "Sweetheart?" I jump at Landon's voice, "What are you doing out here I thought I told you to go to bed?" I turn my head to look at him.

"I couldn't sleep so I came out here," I turn back to the stars, "And plus I didn't want to fall asleep in an empty bed."

He sighs from behind me, "You should have come and got me I would have gone straight to bed with you," I simply shrug.

"It's fine you can go back to your work now," I tell him, "I'll probably be here when you finish anyway," I hear footsteps but not footsteps descending no footsteps ascending closer to me.

"I finished I just had to send a file to Michael the rest can wait until tomorrow," I feel two arms being placed under my arms lifting me up, "Now come on, you're clearly tired," he swoops me up in his arms carrying me bridal style.

I normally would protest and complain for Landon to put me down, but I don't. I rest my head on his chest as he carries me up the stairs. I still have the sheet wrapped around me but right now I wish I didn't I would just love to be able to actually have my skin touch his even though he is still fully clothed.

Just the little bit of our skin touching would be enough for me right now.

He gently kicks the door the rest of the way open since I didn't fully close it. He gently lets go of my body placing me down onto the bed, "Go to sleep I'm going to get changed real quick I'll be right back," he whispers in my ear giving me a kiss on the cheek.

I hum in response. I cuddle into the middle of the bed laying back on my side.

A minute later he enters back into the room. I can tell at how my body lights up whenever he enters the same room as me.

The mattress underneath me shifts with the added weight, "Goodnight sweetheart," he pulls me into his chest and kisses the top of my head.

Moments like this I wish. I really wish we weren't just fuck buddies I wish we were really together- boyfriend and girlfriend, but we aren't and never will be.

It stings no scratch that it burns like hell every time he does these stupid cute things that gives my fragile heart hope in something.

I hate him for doing this to me for making me fall in love with him. I only took the deal to protect Kayla and what happens if feelings get involved? Will he go straight to the cops? Oh god. The thought of it makes me sick to my stomach. Should I just keep going on with this deal for Kayla's sake? Or should I at least try to get the flash drive back? I don't know what to do at this point.

I'm playing everything by ear and even if I told him how I felt I'm connected to this family now by Rose. I'm her godmother and they'll force me to be around for events. I can't turn my back on Cheryl and Christopher. I can't even turn my back on Lyon.

I have a lot of people depending on me, so even though it's killing me to continue going on with this deal and just being fuck buddies with Landon I have to... I have no other choice.

No matter how much it hurts me.

No matter how much I want to scream I love you to him at the top of my lungs.

I can't. I have to keep it in.

For everyone's sake.