What did I do to deserve you?//L.R.H.

CHAPTER 49

-Luke's POV-

"There's a new diner half an hour away from here. Why don't you take her there tomorrow, before you head to your house so she can meet your brothers?" Calum asks.

If only he knew.

"Change of plans." I sigh in defeat. "She won't be meeting my brothers until we sort some things out. Until the time I need is over."

After all I've done for her, the continuing tries to get her to open up to me, that's how she repays me? By cheating on me? I know, it was just a kiss, and I know, I may be overreacting, but what if it was more than that? Apparently. Jason and Lea do have a past together, a past we may not be able to overcome, no matter how much I love her or how much I care for her.

Are you even listening to yourself? I've started thinking like a character from a tragic story, an actor to make viewers cry in order to create the drama. Maybe that's what Lea and I are. A tragic love story.

She was right. We can get through this, but are we going to get out of there alive? I know one thing for sure, that if she follows the same old paths, I won't be able to handle this and I won't be able to follow her. But how do I stop her from choosing this path when all I'm doing is sitting here with our best friend drinking beer? Asking for time was selfish, so so selfish, but that was the only thing I can do. I can only ask for time and hope that it will ease the pain.

It hurts me to know that she's not my girl anymore. I knew she was a lot to handle when we shared our first kiss for that stupid truth or dare game, the one Cal thought about to make us be where we are now.

"Mate!" Calum snaps his fingers in front of my face hysterically.

"What!" I shout and he falls back to his seat, lying his phone on the coffee table of our living room.

I thought that when I get her there things would have gotten better, not worse.

"What's up? You've been awfully quiet and you keep zoning out since you left Lea in your room." he notices. "What's going on between you two? Did she do something?

The words are out before I can control my mouth.

"She kissed Jason."

"What? When? How? Why?"

The bassist asks too many questions, none of which I haven't asked myself.

What? Disbelief.

When? It hides the why that follow, although it makes you wonder where you were then.

How? How could she do this to me?

"I don't know." another sigh leaves my lips. "All I know is the fact."

Silence. An awkward one. Something that has never happened between Calum and I.

I break it.

"She was high." I still have the need to explain her actions to myself although it is just a stupid excuse.

"Does it make you feel better?" he asks.

"No." I look down. I don't want him to see me cry.

"Do you feel like it should?" he asks again.

"No."

"Do you want me to go talk to her?" he is ready to stand up, I can see it.

"No." I gave the same answer three times, only that this time it comes out as a broken sniffle.

"Do you want me to sit here?" he knows it, he can see it, my tears, my broken heart, my lost dignity, the questions running through my mind.

"No."

He leaves, leaving me alone in my sadness, just like I left Lea broken upstairs.

-Lea's POV-

I fell asleep alone in Luke's bed, hoping that he would come to talk to me, and I wake up just like that. There is a difference this time. This time I took all the trust he had in me, all the hopes he had in us, and tossed it in the wall. I fucked up this time, really fucked up.

After staring at the wall for at least an hour, wondering whether or not i should hit my head against it, I walk to my suitcase in search of the book Emily gave me, the one she is reading over and over again. I take it in my hands, not even bothering to look at the title, and turn the first page. A minute ot two later it lands to the floor with a thud.

It's a love story. One of those that startes with hatred. One of those talking about a fucked up relationship. Yeah, okay, so Tessa is going to university and she meets the bad boy Harry. And let me guess, they fall in love but they fight all the time and stuff. Classic ass love story.

What can a book tell me about love? About wrong choices? About screwed up facts that made you take the wrong choices and end everything? Just because the writer things she's gone through a rough time she thinks she knows what love means? I know what love means! Love is what I feel for Luke, not butterflies and crap like that, but dying without the other person, when he's not next to you, when you know you've fucked up but  you selfishly hope he forgives you.

I start emptying my suitcase. I and only I can tell them what love is. I finally find what I'm looking for, and something more, something useless, something I can blame for the rest of my life. Inside the notebook I was planning on telling people what love is, I find the bottle of pills Jason gave me.

One pill and all the pain will disappear. One pill and everything will be gone. One pill and-

No. One pill and Luke will stay away for ever. One pill and Calum will hate me. One pill and Michael will name speak to me again. One pill and Ashton will run. One pill and my siblings will stop caring, will stop talking to me, will stop considering me their sister.

I stand up with the bottle in my hands and walk to the bathroom. I have to do this now, before I lose all my courage.

I open the bottle and watch the pills flopping in the toilet water. I flash them down and head back in my room, Luke's room, to let people know what love is.

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See what I did there? The After reference? Don't get me wrong I love this book, I'm finishing After 3 actually! It just suited there.

Well, my writing is better, the story is getting better and that's all.

I've been super busy this week, although it's Easter/Spring Break (I don't know how you call it there, sorry if I'm forgetting anything) with my family and stuff, I've dedicated my life in my series (two weeks ago (barely) I started once upon a time and I'm in season 4 already) and I heven't studied at all.

Love you all, BYE!

xoxox