My supernatural journal

12/28/2021

What sucks is that my mom knows I'm financially struggling yet she doesn't help with that. She's a f-ing Millionaire yet the most she'll spend on me each week is $250 (therapy sessions). The most my dad spent on me was $30,000-$35,000 (on my current car back in 2019), he literally chose the expensive route because his choices were to replace the brakes in my previous car which was a Lincoln hand-me-down from mom or buy me a completely new car. The service for new brakes would've been maybe like a few hundred dollars since the car was from 2007 (loses value as time goes on). I didn't really care what car I drove as long as it could get me from A to B without breaking down while he's like "watch me flex" lol. Before even getting my mazda, my mom even asked me if I wanted a Tesla but I said no cz it would be harder to find a charging station than a gas station and I probably would've had to charge more often than filling gas (I don't know how it works). Sure my car is a cheaper brand that's not considered "luxury" like a Lincoln is but it's under my name which makes it the most expensive thing I own and it's not busted, might need a system upgrade but idk or I just need a new phone lol. My current phone is an iPhone 7 from my dad (it's a hand-me-down) and it's so old now that it sometimes disconnects from CarPlay plus the battery heats up faster. The thing about my mom's money that sucks is that she doesn't want to leave any of it for us "kids" when she and dad pass, she'd rather leave us material items we'd have to sell to get money. On the bright side, she'd be leaving behind the mansion of a lake house :) and the boats which I never learned how to drive. They have a pontoon boat that as a whole, costs more than my car (the engine alone is the same price as my car). When my mom originally got her promotion to that high paying job, her face was plastered on one of the big screens in NYC and it was in the newspaper. If you ever saw that, you might know who my mom is. She's the kind of wealthy person who gets invited to Galas. When Covid struck, she told me "if Covid didn't happen, I would've taken you to the Gala" I knew she was lying cz she never takes me to fancy events where celebrities go; I didn't even know she had ever been to a Gala. My mom is among the Elite and I'm here like "am I a joke to you?". If my $250 therapy sessions are "expensive" to her then what is her sporty Mercedes ( I've driven the Mercedes before, not as comfortable as my car). She says her house is also my house.. then where's my money because I don't pay for that house therefore it is not my house. The most money my mom gifted me was $500 cz she knows I'm broke. $500 goes fast when you gotta buy food and pay for a car with these gas prices and high insurance rates; oh and clothes to survive winter. I literally buy some of my groceries from the dollar store because everything there is $1. I even bought socks from there. She's living luxuriously while I'm thinking about how long I can manage to keep my car. The county I live in is the richest in my state so all the stores are pricy while my mom looks at me like "not my problem, go find a job" with places wanting vaccinated employees, finding a job I can tolerate is already hard enough.

On the bright side, my therapist suggested that my anxiety towards people may be linked to the fact that I'm a wolf. Wolves are naturally wary around humans so it makes sense ... I am so lucky to have him as my therapist. Literally any other therapist who knew would've stuck me in a psych ward. Oh and he went on his Facebook to help me find other Slavic pagans possibly in the area for me to meet and learn from, realized how difficult that turned out to be lol