~c o c k a i n e ~ (various x reader)

his wife (and bestie)~ (cheater!) shrek x fiona x green m&m

a/n: I LOVE THIS SONG SM 

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* backstabber, kesha *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

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i have given up so much to be with this musty, green, bastard! i've dealt with snot, earwax and terrible sex. 

my hands creep to my hair. how dare he? how could he? i thought that we were meant to be. but now my heart bleeds.

don't get me wrong i'm not in love with him. frankly, i don't think i even like men to be honest. i was just scared to accept who i was.

"fiona?" a small voice whispers. donkey looks down at me "i know where they are meeting... if you want to confront him." 

"oh donkey!" i exclaimed hugging his soft body once more, "you are so kind, i'm so sorry shrek put you through this." i feel tears once again drip from my eyes, not only did shrek hurt me, he hurt donkey's locality too.  

i separate from our hug to see donkey once again crying this time with a smile on his face "you shouldn't have to apologize for that biotch shrek," his grin deepened "let's make him apologize to you!" (BADDIE DONKEY ARC 🤪💞) 

"YESKSKSKS!" i yelled jumping up, i solemned "but who will watch the babies?"  

"uhhh i could call the gingerbread man." 

"nah they'll eat him."

"puss n boots?" 

"no wayyy, he'll get clobbered harder them his boots got cobbled." 

"the fairy godmothers." 

"mhm that'll work i guess as long as they don't try to aurora my babies." 

~TIME SKIP (n pov change) SPONSERED BY SHREKS TOENAIL FUNGI (yes there is more then one 🥰🦶)

me and fiona left her babies in the subpar care of the fairy-blah-monsters. on our way to my bestie 4... my ex-bestie 4 ever. i didn't know who to look out for fiona, the clear victim, or my bestie and soulmate shrek. 

but im here with fiona now, she needs me to help her. well she doesn't she could smack shrek into shrek-the-halls in five seconds flat. im more her for moral support i suppose. 

"um donk where the hell are we going?" fiona said as i lead her into a super nice are of the swamp filled with wild flowers and mushroom. "this is where i tried to convince shrek to get us a new cottage... but he refused." 

"this is..." i begun, i had no clue this neighbourhood was where fiona wanted to live. i guess she faked happiness for everyone sake but her own. "this is where shrek bought a house... to live witch his mistress." 

shock seeps into fiona's beautiful visage "o-oh" she says looking down. "why... he said he hated it here." 

"uhh... he said it was to be closer to her family?" i said looking away, telling the truth feels so wrong but i had to tell fiona everything. 

"WHAT!" she cries, outrage distorting her wistful feature "he hates peoples family, he will never let me see my parents because its too "Far Far Away" for him." 

"fiona, i'm so sorry." i said snuggling into her side. "you don't need to be sorry anymore donkey. it's not your fault, it was never your fault." she said gently 

her words cut through my skin and held my heart, i took the blame, all of it, for what?

their house appeared up a tree covered hill, it was covered in flowers and vines. i knew this was what fiona wants her home to look like from the wilted greens around her porch and the catch in her breath while looking at the terracotta marvel. how could he?

~POV SWITCH to our mommy fionaye 👑💕~

it was like i had imagined when i married shrek; warm colors, welcoming aura, sweet smelling flowers. this is what he said i didn't need. he made me feel as though i was ungrateful to be married to his lumpy, bumpy bod. he didn't need two of the same homes and he didn't need identical lives, so he made his secret one better.

i marched up to door, rage boiled in my body. i had lived with this orge for two years waiting, longing for more to get treated like a pass-over. 

i gestured to donkey to knock on the door. "shrek? shrek!" he called rapping his hooves on the beautiful, intricate dark oak door. 

i heard rumbling and movement from behind the door, muffled voices of shrek and his lover. they were taking much to long and donkey's rapping on the door wasn't getting us anywhere . 

"shrek im not going to ask one more fucking time! you open the goddamn door or we're coming in!" i yelled, the rage and venom of the last few hours, no the years of our marriage escaped my frame. tears leaked from my blue orbs (THIS WAS IRONIC, i just had to 😘) 

the door slowly unlatched and opened revealing the sweaty, ugly face of my husband. "fiona... donkey." he said sadly looking anywhere but our faces. 

"how could you shrek." i said balling my fists. "how could you do this to US!" 

"fiona, baby.." shrek said wringing his hands over his mis-buttoned tunic. "don't baby me shrek." i said coldly looking into his brown eyes. 

"we are done with you doing this shit to fiona!" donkey yelled getting up in shrek's face "I'LL BITE YOUR FACE OFF SHREK, I WILL! RAWR RAWR 🦖🦕" donkey said chomping his teeth wildly. 

"what are you rabid again donkey?" shrek asked cruelly. "DON'T BRING THAT UP WITH US NOW SHREK!" donkey yelled stepping back.

 "yes shrek don't talk to donkey like that." i said pulling donkey behind me, defending him. 

then i saw them, their beautiful face, their intelligent eyes, and their lovely smile. "hi everyone." they said calmly. "your fight is with me, i'm the green m&m, shrek's mistress. " they stood in front of me their chocolate brown eyes meeting my own. 

"i don't know you, i didn't know of you, until well two minutes ago." she said sadly "but for anything it's worth, im so so so sorry." tears broke and watered down her face gracefully. 

"you didn't tell her you were married?" i asked shrek. "well no." shrek said dumbly.