The Owl House- Luz Noceda X Male Reader

Something Ventured, Someone Framed

[Open on a Hexside classroom, in which is the Human Appreciation Society. Various human items, incorrectly labelled, are on a desk. Among them are a cheese grater labeled "nail clippers," a bag of chips closed with a flip phone labelled "whoopie cushion," an upside down umbrella hat filled with leaves labelled "food bowl," a Rubik's Cube labelled "weapon?", and a paper clip labelled "pay-per-clorp."]

Gus: Behold. The wonders of the human realm. [picks up the paper clip] This little fella's one of their most valued objects. It aids in the compiling of printed wisdom, the scratching of gunk from under your nails, and my favorite... It even mimics the sounds of the human ocean.

[He proceeds to twang it.]

Gus: Aah! The human realm. So beautiful. [walks over to the chalkboard] It's safe to say that the pay‐per‐clorp is a stunning testament to human ingenuity. Any questions?

[He turns around to face the rest of the club. Eileen, Bo, and the unicorn Bard track student are all falling asleep, and Mattholomule looks thoroughly bored. He raises his hand.]

Gus: Ah! Our newest member: Mattholomule.

Mattholomule: A‐Augustus, is this what the president of the Human Appreciation Society thinks passes as "Human Artifacts"?

[Gus looks confused.]

Mattholomule: Because at my old school, [pushes aside Gus's stuff] we had real treasures.

[Mattholomule empties his bag onto the desk, dumping out a rock painted to look like a cell phone, an egg with a skull painted on it, and a shoe made out of mud, leaves, and twigs. They're labelled "cellular phone," "human skull," and "sports footwear" respectively. The other members of the club gasp and lean closer to them.]

Bo: So real.

Boy: Wow!

Bo: I‐‐ I wanna touch them.

Mattholomule: Go ahead. In my club, we didn't have any dumb rules.

Gus: [gasps and turns to his list of rules] Shh. He didn't mean that.

[Gus glares at everyone touching Mattholomule's objects, then takes them away.]

Boy: Hey!

Bo: What?

Eileen: [grunts]

Gus: Well, this isn't your club. Thankfully.

Mattholomule: Exactly, who thinks I should be president?

Eileen: I do!

Bo: Mattholomule for prez.

Boy: I'm an undecided voter. I wanna touch all the objects first.

[Eileen and Bo talk over each other as Gus picks up the "phone."]

Gus: These are fakes.

Bo: [gasps] What?

Mattholomule: [stammers] You can't prove that! [inhales] You're just trying to distract these human appreciators. You're afraid of getting kicked out of office. It's your word versus mine.

Eileen: [mumbling]

Bo: I don't know what to believe in anymore.

Boy: My faith in Gus has been broken.

[Gus walks backwards into the chalkboard. He looks at a newspaper clip with a picture of Luz on it.]

Gus: What if I brought in an expert?

Mattholomule: Yeah, right. Who can you find that's a bigger human expert than any of us?

Gus: How about real live humans?