𝐅𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐖𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐁𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐟𝐢𝐭𝐬 ¹

|𝓒𝓱𝓪𝓹𝓽𝓮𝓻 𝓕𝓸𝓻𝓽𝔂 𝓕𝓲𝓿𝓮 |𝓦𝓱𝔂 𝓐𝓻𝓮𝓷𝓽 𝓨𝓸𝓾 𝓓𝓮𝓪𝓭 𝓨𝓮𝓽?|

Chapter Forty-five - Why Aren't You Dead Yet?

You could be here but you're not, I give whatever you want but you just take it and run, you run,

And I give you so many shots but you're just drinking them all you never give it a thought, oh love,

Baby no more showing when you're not sober at my front door just to say you're alone tonight,

Trying to fuck me and my mind up it's a reminder you're a liar and you know I'm right,

You said you can't live without me so why aren't you dead yet? Why you still breathing?

-Madison Beer, "Dead,"

•••

Mike

I feel my head collide with the headrest behind me as I slide down in my seat, my eyes are heavy, the incessant pounding in my head worsens as I press my busted knuckles onto my jaw, I reach for the bottle sitting in the passenger's side letting the alcohol soak my lips, the usual burn that courses down my throat as I swallow no longer feels comforting, it just adds to the discomfort that's already there by default,

"What the hell happened to your face?" Toni's high pitched voice fills my ears as she climbs into my car, the sound of the car door slamming makes my headache worse,

"Why do you stick around?" I can't help the words that spill out without my consent,

"What do you mean?" she asks confusion evident in her tired eyes at my unexpected outburst

"You're probably the person I've hurt most in life, yet you're still here, why is that?" I elaborate my gaze is fixated on the extravagant abode which my sister now calls home, I wish she'd come back to us then maybe she'd see mom isn't as bad as she makes her out to be these last couple of months she's been back have been like a breath of fresh air, sure things with Veronica haven't been the best and Toni and I haven't been as close as we used to be but having mom with me has helped, I remember the night she returned I didn't exactly know how to feel, she'd been gone for a year, the only contact she had with us was the deposits she made into my bank account every month or so, she didn't exactly make welcoming her back easy in fact she'd made it difficult the first thing she'd done was sabotage my relationship by bringing back my ex-girlfriendnd, I didn't have anything against Tasha per se, I'd gotten over her ages ago in fact as soon as I'd spotted Veronica at Cheryl's party that night it seemed as if all trace of any real love I'd had for Natasha vanished and she was the only girl who existed in my world, it was why I didn't give up, why I chased after her like an idiot because I knew she was worth it, I explained that to my mother as soon as she tired to force me end our relationship, I didn't expect her to listen but she did, she even cracked a smile and said the only reason she was relentless when it came to demanding I get back with Tasha was because she saw how happy I'd been when we were together and she wanted me to have that again, she didn't exactly make it easy on Veronica she made her jump through hoops to earn her respect but she did, of course she did because Veronica is perfect, in fact they became friends as bizarre as it seems, seeing them so close warmed my heart yet scared me at the same time because it wasn't until I saw how close the two were becoming that I truly realized that Veronica had burrowed her way into every single aspect of my life, in fact she became my entire existence, anything I do now, I do for her, she's the only reason I get up in the morning, she's the very air I breathe. Imagining a life without her is impossible, but how can I be so selfish as to want a future with her when I know for a fact I'm not good enough for her?