Spirals || Mattheo Riddle

Chapter 43 ~ Guilt

A/N: Consider this my Christmas present to you all, lots of love xx

Mattheo's hand still clasped mine as we walked through the great hall together. My heart bet hard in my chest and if it weren't for the wandless cooling charm I had casted on myself, I knew I would be sweating.

It felt like almost every pair of eyes in the room was on us, and while I usually wouldn't mind that, I had absolutely fuck all idea of how Mattheo felt about that. 

I hated not knowing where I stood, even when we fought at least I knew where the line was or how he felt.

The hall was emptier than I had ever seen it for the time of day. A few students sat, picking at their food while their friends sat consoling them. Many looked tired or upset, but now their attention was on me.

Guilt invaded my mind as I looked around at the people who were clearly effected by the Ministry attack... Which was caused by the father of the boy whose hand was currently trapped in mine.

I often forgot how deep in I was. Next to me was Mattheo Riddle, son of a murder and member of his ranks, but unwillingly.

I pulled my hand away as conflict raged inside. My breathing cut short while my mind reeled about what I was doing.

Does this make me a bad person?

Do I even care?

"Raven?" 

I flinched when he said my name. 

He was apart of something bigger, something dark. How could I be with someone like that?

But he didn't want to be. Had he ever tried to leave? Which of those scars that decorated his skin were from his rebellion? 

And wasn't I just as bad? I was mere days away from the destruction that would happen when deatheaters were let into the school, something that was my doing.

Fuck.

My chest felt tight as it all crashed down on me.

But I couldn't leave him again. I couldn't. It would hurt too bad. 

I lo-

No.

"Raven." 

Warm hands on my face were distracting but didn't pull me out of my own head.

Harsh breathing sounded in my ears. Was that mine?

Now there was pulling on my arm, on my hand. My legs followed by instinct and the heat of eyes all around me vanished.

Warm hands on my face again. 

A sound overcame my harsh breathing but I couldn't make out what it was. I couldn't see, like I was in a dream of nothingness. There was simply very little, except for the warm hands and my thoughts.

Guilt made my gut feel like it was being stabbed again and again. It felt like I was dying. How embarrassing, to die by freaking out about someone holding your hand.

A quick and sharp pain sprouted on my cheek and I shook my head. My eyes adjusted and I stared as Mattheo's face came into view. 

Jumping back, I held my hand to my chest in pain as new oxygen flooded into my lungs and my legs trembled. 

"Raven love, breathe." 

His voice was gentle and my eyes quickly glanced around to make sure we were alone. One of his hands came up to touch my face but stopped as my gaze flickered to it.