Spirals || Mattheo Riddle

Chapter 34 ~ I'm Sorry

"Hey Pansy?"

I looked over to my left where Pansy lay with her head in Blaises lap. Blaise was out cold against the back of the couch.

"Mmm?" She hummed back with her eyes half closed.

Theo was sprawled out length ways on another couch, snoring happily. Draco was in one of the arm chairs and had his arms tucked under his head. Three empty bottles of liquor sat next to the couch along with a jug that had been filled with eggnog.

"Do you think you love Theo?" I asked quietly. The boys were all asleep and had been for a while now. Pansy and I were the only ones left awake.

She snorted. "God no." I smiled at her reaction. 

She turned her head to look at me and then back up at the ceiling. "I think I could, you'know. I mean hes kinda perfect."

Now it was my turn to snort. 

"Well not perfect in the sense that hes got everything. Far from it honestly. But hes good and his flaws just make him even more lovable," she pondered. Her voice was starting to drift away, though I wasn't sure if that was because of the alcohol running through my veins or because she was falling asleep.

"Do you love anyone?" She asked suddenly.

I pondered it, digging inside to seek any stray feelings that might have pointed to love. Finally I shook my head.

"I don't think so. I don't really know what real love feels like. I don't think anyone does." Looking over, I saw she had closed her eyes and her breathing had evened out.

I wondered if I could love anyone? Maybe I was too broken for anyone to love me. It goes both ways, you cannot love without being loved back.

I closed my eyes as I fell asleep thinking about love, or if it was even real.

"Goodnight Pansy."

...

Two days later and we were getting packed to leave. I had collected all my Christmas gifts and things I brought.

Meeting everyone in the lounge, we said our goodbyes before we left for home.

"Thank you so much for having us Cissy," I thanked Dracos mum. 

She smiled brightly and pulled me in for a hug, smelling like a flower fragrance and wine. "You're welcome dear, come back soon."

Theo and Blaise stepped forwards, both embracing Narcissa tightly. "We'll see you soon Mumsy," Theo assured her.

I felt heart warmed at how much the boys loved her, knowing their own mothers were hardly worth comparing. 

Theo lived with his father who he didn't see often. His mother, like mine, had left early in life.

Blaise lived with his mum who was known for sleeping around a lot. He didn't like visiting home either, never knowing what new step father would open the door. 

They both usually came here for holidays, or as much as they could. Narcissa didn't mind, she loved having more children to take care of.

"Right, I'll see you lot on the train tomorrow?" I asked. They all nodded and I gave them all a quick hug, thanking Draco again for having me.

With a final wave, I stepped into the fireplace. "Holt manor."

"Dad?" I called out into the empty house.

A rustling noise behind me made me spin around, wand at the ready.

I sighed deeply as Lily came out from behind the staircase. "Lily, how are you?"