Spirals || Mattheo Riddle

Chapter 37 ~ Ruined

I had thought the drugs currently clouding my brain would make this night bearable, better even. 

But they didn't help the pain I felt or the anger pulsing through my veins. 

My knees were sore from kneeling on the floor of the astronomy tower, crying until my chest hurt and my hands shook.

What fucked up part of his brain made him think I could forgive him? 

'And because one day I hope you'll let me love you.'

My head was starting to hurt but my breathing was evening out and I could think properly again now.

He had left me here, after telling me he had killed one of the only family members I had. He had the audacity to look hurt as I screamed at him.

He hadn't fought back or tried to reason, he just let me attack him. Something about that made me angrier. 

Sniffing, I picked myself up off the ground.

I wasn't an angry person, or at least I liked to think I wasn't. But I was going to make that fucker regret being born.

He had ruined me, hurt me in ways I had never been hurt. Life was a bitch but in comparison to Mattheo Riddle, she was a daisy.

I wiped away my tears and huffed once more before going back to my dorm.

The corridors were quiet and peaceful at night, with only the sound of my footsteps echoing back to me. 

Filch would be out here somewhere with Mrs Norris at side, patrolling for strays who enjoyed the night more than the day, or maybe the odd couple who liked the thrill of breaking the rules for some fun.

I was never caught, I was too smart for that. Besides, even if I was, I could talk my way out of it. A skill of mine.

My bed had never felt more comforting until now, and Pansy's light breaths lured me to sleep faster than I thought I would find it tonight.

I struggled to wrap my head around how he saw the situation. I couldn't understand how he thought it was forgivable. The reasonable part of my brain thought he probably didn't expect me to give a shit about a house elf, but it was more than that.

He tried to kill my dad, who he knows is the only parent I have left and my only family. What if he had succeeded? Did he only try to apologise because he failed?

So many questions, but at the base of it all, I didn't care. My motive was still the same.

Maybe I was unhinged. But what did you expect?

...

"Holt!"

I smiled brightly. "Ah Nott, my favourite alcoholic."

Theo jogged up to me, taking in my appearance of jeans and a green sweater. I was carrying books back from the library.

"I didn't see you this morning, how did your thing with Riddle go last night?" 

I smiled again and rolled my eyes. "Not much to report, he just wanted to apologise again. The same old shit y'know."

He nodded thoughtfully. 

"Well, I'm just on my way to the first quidditch practise. Blaise and Draco are already out there. Did you wanna come?" Pansy had told me about that this morning, I hadn't decided if I was going to go yet. 

"Sure, why not?" He grinned happily and lifted his elbow, offering his arm. I slid mine though it and we turned in the direction of the quidditch pitch.