Author's Note: I think this fic will consist of a number of arcs, each of which will hopefully be four chapters. :P
WARNING: Self-harm, suicidal thoughts/feelings, blood, and general darkness!
~ Amina Gila
By the time morning comes, Anakin hasn't managed to sleep more than a few minutes, something which Ahsoka definitely notices, because she keeps giving him sidelong looks, lips pressed together as if she's physically trying to restrain herself from commenting. It might bother him another time, but he feels like the slightest breeze will knock him off his feet right now. He's exhausted, and even trying to relieve the tension by burning his skin with his lightsaber – he didn't have anything to cut himself open with – and then healing it, didn't help.
Anakin knows that they'll be leaving for Coruscant soon enough, though he doesn't know exactly when. Everyone is standing on the palace landing platform, and he's subtly trying to keep as many people between himself and Obi-Wan as possible.
"Once again, you have all distinguished yourselves in the eyes of the Republic," Padme declares with a smile. "The people of Naboo are in your debt."
"It's all part of the job, My Lady," Anakin replies, giving her a small, genuine smile, some of his tension dissipating. Her expression softens, and he promises himself that he'll go visit her so they can spend some much-needed time together and de-stress.
Padme turns to leave, followed by the Nubian queen and her retinue, Palpatine, Mas Amedda, and Ahsoka. Windu begins speaking with the Chancellor as they leave, and Anakin notices that Obi-Wan is hanging in the back. Great. His former master seems to have decided that they'll be talking about everything right now. Hopefully, he can control himself enough to assure Obi-Wan that he's not mad at him. There's no need to make things messier than they already are, and the knowledge that he's still... grieving will stay with him.
"You look terrible," quips Anakin. His words have a tad more bite to them then he'd intended, and he forcefully tones it down. Part of him hopes that Obi-Wan will apologize and make this easier, that he'll beg – not beg, because Obi-Wan doesn't beg, but that's the idea – for forgiveness. If he does, Anakin will let this go without a second thought.
"Being a criminal's not easy work," sighs Obi-Wan.
Anakin keeps his expression the same, trying not to think too much about how he can feel Obi-Wan's presence again, washing over him like a balm, giving him the anchor that he's been craving. He can't let anyone know. He needs to pick his next words carefully. "If I had known what was going on, I could have helped you," he points out, voice conversational enough that he doesn't actually give away the pain that's destroyed him. "Too bad the Council didn't trust me." He takes a few quicker steps, moving ahead of Obi-Wan as he stops.
And maybe they have a good reason not to. Maybe he really is that unstable that they thought it better to teach him a lesson the hard way, forcing him to grieve senselessly because it nailed home the importance of letting go. If it was a lesson, Anakin doesn't see it. All he sees is that he needs to hold on even tighter than before, anything to prevent himself from facing this again. He doesn't think he could handle it without snapping completely.
"Anakin, it was my decision to keep the truth from you," Obi-Wan tells him, and his entire world comes to a standstill. What? He hardly even feels the hand on his shoulder. It's not enough to ground him. If anything, the touch makes him sick, and he jerks away so his former master won't feel the tremors running through him. "I knew if you were convinced I was dead, Dooku would believe it as well.
"Your decision?" he echoes numbly. It doesn't drown out the screams of denial in his mind because this is – it's wrong. How could Obi-Wan have done something like this, something so personal? He could understand and accept the Council ordering him to go along with it, but he thought he'd meant something to Obi-Wan. Apparently... not. He thinks that realization hurts even worse, because Obi-Wan is – he's everything to him, and he just doesn't understand how...
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For The Blood We Spill
FanfictionObi-Wan Kenobi is dead. Except he's not. And Anakin Skywalker doesn't know how to cope with the crushing betrayal. "He knows he shouldn't hurt himself, but as long as no one knows, it won't matter. He can live. He can face Obi-Wan without breaking a...