For The Blood We Spill

Chapter 12 - Tumult

Author's Note: This is the end of the third arc, and if all goes as planned, there should only be two arcs (eight chapter) left. ^-^

WARNING: Self-harm thoughts, suicidal thoughts/feelings, major disassociation, and general darkness!

~ Amina Gila

It's evening by the time that Ahsoka steps into Padme's apartment along with Anakin. He had hailed a speeder to drop them off, and he hasn't said the word since they left the Temple; he's hardly even looked at her, seeming distant, absent even. For a long moment, Anakin just stands there, blinking, as if just realizing where they are before he gestures towards the couch vaguely, opening his mouth and closing it again, shaking his head and shuffling away deeper into the apartment.

There's a familiarity to his movements, not that Ahsoka is surprised, because it's not a secret that Anakin and Padme are friends.

Padme steps into the room, and Anakin pauses, glancing towards her before stepping around her and disappearing down the hallway. She watches him go, eyes filled with concern before she approaches Ahsoka. "What happened?" she asks, sounding worried.

Ahsoka chokes on air for a few seconds, squeezing her eyes closed. "I – we –" She exhales harshly, swallowing, looking down at the floor and wrapping her arms around herself. "They – the Council just... told us that we could come back, and they weren't sorry or anything, and we – we left. We left, Padme."

She doesn't want to impose on her friend, but Anakin wouldn't have brought them here if Padme minded, and Ahsoka doesn't have the energy or strength to think about it. Padme reaches for her, pulling her into a hug, one hand lightly touching her back lekku. Ahsoka clings to her, desperate for stability and strength. She feels lost, broken, adrift. She doesn't know where her place is in the galaxy anymore now that she – and Anakin – is no longer a Jedi.

And Anakin.

That's a whole other problem right there.

Ahsoka has no idea how she ought to feel about everything which she heard, the revelations which she learned. It is... strange to see her master, the man who she has always looked up to as strong and untouchable, so... broken down and depressed. It's strange to realize how badly he was suffering, and no one realized it. More than anything, she wants to help him, but she doesn't know how, not when she herself is struggling so much now.

Padme guides her to the couch, and she sits down, pulling her knees up to her chest and wrapping her arms around them, her feet on the edge of the cushion. Normally, Anakin would lightly chide her for it, but he's not here now, and Padme says nothing, sitting next to her and wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

"What do you plan to do now?" the Senator hesitantly queries at last.

"I... don't know," Ahsoka admits. She's tired. She's so tired, and the sheer pain radiating from Anakin, despite his shielding, is only making it worse. "It – you don't mind that we're here, do you?" She feels obligated to ask, if only because she doesn't want to make her only friend outside the Jedi and clones upset with her.

"No, of course not," Padme answers immediately. "You are always welcome here. You can stay as long as you want. If – I can send Threepio to get the guest room ready for you. I should probably go... talk to Anakin."

"Okay," Ahsoka whispers, leaning into Padme's side. "What – where will Anakin stay?"

"I – I need to talk to him."

It's not an answer, but Ahsoka doesn't have the energy to think about it anymore, so she lets it go. She needs to deal with her own emotional conflict right now, anyway. More than anything else, she feels betrayed. When she needed the Jedi, the Council abandoned her, abandoned Anakin. That's the part that throws her off-balance most. Herself, she could possibly understand; she's only a Padawan. But Anakin? He's a hero. A Jedi Knight. A General. One of the best warriors that the Republic has. How could the Jedi have done that to him?