For The Blood We Spill

Chapter 5 - Mandalore

Author's Note: I am overwhelmed and grateful by all the support I've received for this fic! However, this is the last chapter I have written, and I don't know if I'll be done with chapter 6 by next month. I will continue this fic, and I will finish it, but I'm in the middle of releasing far too many projects at once. It's becoming very overwhelming for me, so I can't make any promises about when you'll get the next chapter. Sorry in advance! :)

WARNING: Self-harm, suicidal thoughts/feelings, blood, and general darkness!

~ Amina Gila

It's been three months since Obi-Wan faked his death. Three months in which Anakin has fallen deeper into depression, the only reprieve being solo missions when he can be alone with Ahsoka and his men without any reason to wear a mask. But none of that has stopped the pain gnawing at him, even if it has lessened in time. He's learned how to cope, how much pain his body can tolerate before has to stop hurting himself, how far he can go without it becoming too much of a risk. He doesn't think anything of it anymore; it's another one of those things he does almost daily unless there's been a major battle and he was injured, or if he's too exhausted.

There are still times when the guilt and grief take him by surprise, but he's managing. He's functioning, and most importantly, he's still winning. That's all that matters. He's learned how to make impenetrable shielding to hide the storm of emotion in his heart; it must be effective, because he's able to tease and joke with Obi-Wan the way they used to, conversation light, while he feels like he's being crushed. There hasn't been even the slightest shade of worry in his former master's eyes that he could see. Either his shielding is effective, or Obi-Wan simply doesn't care, not the way Anakin had thought and hoped he might.

His friendship with Obi-Wan has grown far more distant – he can hardly confide emotions and thoughts that he ought not be having – but they're still friends, at least he thinks they are. Even so, Anakin has to admit that he was surprised when Obi-Wan came to him, asking for a shuttle he could borrow to go visit a friend in danger on Mandalore. It didn't take much talking for Anakin to learn that the friend is, in fact, Satine. Obi-Wan hadn't been keen on sharing the details, but Anakin has learned that not only is Satine in some sort of trouble, but also, the Council didn't want Obi-Wan to get involved.

After contacting a clone to bring the Twilight to the hanger – even if the repairs aren't fully finished; Anakin is tempted to prank his former master, if only to make him look like a fool in front of Satine when he shows up in a semi-operational shuttle – Anakin walks with Obi-Wan to see him off. Part of him wants to go, wants to come alone just to ensure that Obi-Wan is safe, but he doesn't really know how to ask.

"I don't mean to point this out," Anakin comments lightly as they walk, "But it's kinda strange to see you acting... well, like me." He can't help but snort at the end of the sentence at the thought of Obi-Wan becoming more disinclined to listen to the Council if he thinks its necessary.

"I'm not sure what you mean, Anakin," Obi-Wan replies calmly.

"You're putting your relationship with Satine ahead of what the Jedi Council wants," Anakin points out, raising an eyebrow, trying to ignore the armor Obi-Wan is wearing. It's Hardeen's armor, the helmet tucked under his arm. He last saw him in it on Naboo, back when his emotions were so raw that he didn't think he'd ever be able to hold up even a pretense of normalcy.

"Really. I'm simply helping Satine in her time of trouble," Obi-Wan argues with a slight frown. "The policies of the Chancellor and the Jedi often don't meet eye to eye these days."

Anakin chuckles, though it's a bit forced. "Hey. If you want some time alone with your girlfriend, just say so," he teases, putting his hand on Obi-Wan's shoulder for a few seconds, the touch more for his benefit than Obi-Wan's, as the Twilight lands in front of them. "I'll be more than happy to come along and make sure you have privacy."