For The Blood We Spill

Chapter 11 - Secrets

Author's Note: I am so sorry about the ending. I truly am. :'(

WARNING: Self-harm, suicidal thoughts/feelings, blood, and general darkness!

~ Amina Gila

Obi-Wan enters the room hesitantly, uncertain if he's really prepared to see Anakin, to see the truth of everything laid out in front of him. This – if Anakin went this far without Obi-Wan even realizing or doing anything to help him, isn't it, in part, at least, his fault? How much responsibly does he bear for this?

Anakin is lying on the bed, still unconscious. His robes from the waist up have been removed, and he's attached to a heart monitor, an IV in his left arm. His skin is still marred with pale scars from the electrocution he suffered at Sidious' hands on Mandalore, scars which will likely never fully fade. He's lucky he wasn't killed from it. What really stand out, however, is the dark, blue-purple bruise on his upper left arm, vaguely shaped like a hand, and it makes Obi-Wan sick to see it, because he's seen Anakin break wood, and even bones, with his prosthetic.

How much pressure did he apply to his arm to get such an obvious injury?

Above it, are two still-healing blaster bolt burns. Kix had mentioned it, that Anakin hadn't been treating injuries he received on missions. Hearing it is one thing. Seeing it is far worse. It digs into him, glaring proof of how much he must have failed his former Padawan if Anakin thought that he couldn't come to him to talk to him if something was troubling him so deeply. Why – how could he have ever resorted to this?

Looking more closely, Obi-Wan can see white scars on Anakin's left forearm, though he can't quite tell how many are from... Anakin, and how many are from lightning. Several are stark and vivid enough that he can only assume they were... intentional, as opposed to accidental. Bacta heals injuries rapidly, and the scars shouldn't look like that if they were an accident, and if Anakin had actually treated them.

He wants to say something, but he doesn't even know what. He has no idea how to approach this situation, how to handle it. All he can feel is a numb, consuming horror, that this was happening for – for months probably, if not longer, and he had no idea. Ahsoka figured out before he did, but only because Anakin slipped up.

He thinks he should have done something, said something much sooner. On Mandalore, a month ago, he had noticed how different Anakin was being. He's tried, so many times, to get Anakin to talk to him, but it never helped, and it makes him wonder if he should have tried harder. He should have done something different, at any rate, so Anakin wouldn't have suffered so long. Seeing him like this, it's so obvious that he's hurting, and not only because of the... self-inflicted injuries; he has lost some weight, and even like this, unconscious, he doesn't look peaceful.

Obi-Wan wants to help, but he has no idea how. And more than that, he doesn't know how receptive Anakin will even be to his help. Still, he won't back down. He won't let Anakin push him away. Somehow, they'll figure this out. Together.

***

When Anakin awakens, he first senses Ahsoka's head resting on the bed next to him, montrals digging into his right side. "Snips?" he mumbles, trying to force his mouth to work properly to form the word. The last thing he remembers, they were in the warehouse... It had been a trap; he realizes it now. Much of his memory is hazy, but he thinks he remembers the clones coming and stunning them, or Ahsoka at least. Perhaps he'd slipped into unconsciousness from hitting his head one too many times.

"Skyguy!" Her head pops up so fast that he nearly smiles, though any amusement disappears when he sees her wide blue eyes, filled with unmistakable sadness. What happened? And why are they here, in the Halls of Healing? He thought they would be arrested and locked in a prison cell until the Council could figure out what to do with him, with them.