unbreakable heaven • awsten knight

1.20 little taste of heaven

houston tx
january 2009

The rest of the evening breezes by, as the cake is cut up and dished out to everyone.

Ellie waits patiently for Awsten to make his way over to her again, busying herself in a conversation with Zakk, before he finally rejoins her side.

"Hi," Awsten sighs, resting his head against her shoulder, as Zakk wanders off to get a drink.

"Hey," Ellie responds, leaning her head on top of his.

"Wanna come for a walk?" He suggests, propping his chin up on her shoulder to look at her. "Just around the yard, or something."

"Yeah, sure," she agrees, easily. "I still need to give you your birthday present," Ellie whispers, a small smile playing on her lips.

Awsten's face lights up in surprise, before he frowns.

"I thought my birthday present was laser tag," he queries, "from everyone. Including you."

"It was," she confirms, heading down the hall to get the gift from her bag, as he follows her closely. "But, I got you a little something extra."

"You really didn't have to do that," Awsten insists, but Ellie only waves him off, holding two wrapped gifts securely in her arms, as they head out to the garden.

She waits until they're outside to hand the presents over to him.

Looking at them now, Ellie can see that it's pretty easy to decipher what they are, without even unwrapping them.

They're identical, square-shaped, and both wrapped perfectly, corner to corner, in shiny blue wrapping paper— each fitting perfectly in the palm of Awsten's hand.

Unable to contain his excitement, Awsten unwraps both of them at the same time, causing Ellie to laugh, shaking her head, as she watches his wide-eyed gaze, fall upon the gifts he'd torn open.

Good Morning Revival, and Greatest Remixes— the two most recent albums released by Good Charlotte, Awsten's favourite band.

Her expression falters as she awaits his reaction.

"I know it's not much, but I—" Ellie begins, hesitantly. "You haven't had the chance to buy them for yourself, because you've been spending all of your extra money on trying to get new music equipment, and so, I just—"

"Ellie," Awsten cuts her off, looking up at her with a smile. "I love them, I— What is it you said to me?" He pauses, tilting his head at her, and Ellie swears that his mismatched eyes are sparkling in the moonlight. "Stop talking yourself in circles," Awsten recites, before looking down at the CDs in his hand. "I love them, really. Thank you," he beams, pulling her quickly into a hug.

Ellie blushes as they step away. "I'm glad you like them," she says, sheepishly, as he presses a fleeting kiss on her forehead.

She takes a deep breath and finally tears her eyes away from him, looking around the yard.

It's a little cold— or, at least, Awsten thinks it is; so, they stay close to each other, as they begin to slowly stroll through the garden.

Each of their hands are swinging lowly by their sides, daring to touch, but not quite committing.

That is, until Awsten curves his knuckles, brushing them against the back of Ellie's hand. She doesn't pull away, so he takes that as a good sign, and slowly begins to clasp his hand around her's.

Ellie smiles to herself, being the one to interlock their fingers, feeling like they slot perfectly together.

She can feel her heart beating strongly in her chest— not faster, but just with more force.

It's not hammering with anxiety. It's fluttering with careful emotion.

The both of them find themselves looking up, gazing at the stars adorning the sky above them.

There aren't many cloud, explaining the brisk breeze— which is only the second cause of the goosebumps trailing along Awsten's arms.

Ellie's gaze remains fixed upwards, while Awsten's slowly drifts to her.

He swears he doesn't even see her blink, as if she's worried that she'd miss something if she does— as if she wants to take in every second of this moment.

Ellie can't quite describe how she feels when Awsten is close to her like this. It's like he unravels every thought she has— everything comes undone.

She wonders if this is just a glimpse of what it would be like if she could be with Awsten— like a little taste of her very own idea of heaven.

If she opened her mouth, maybe everything would come spilling out of it. Everything good, everything bad, and everything in between; just, all of it. As if she wants him to know every part of her— she's never felt like that before. She's never felt safe enough to feel like that before.

Eventually, the two of them go back inside, where, gradually, people are beginning to leave.

Zakk drops Ellie off at her house, on his way back, too.

He waits in her drive until she's safely in the house, knowing that she's returning to an empty home.

He had offered to let her stay, or suggested that she stays at Awsten's again, but Ellie insisted that she didn't mind having the house to herself.

It's true— she quite likes having her own space.

She takes her time, following the steps of a night time routine, all the way up until she's laying in bed.

Ellie is left tossing and turning for hours, though.

There's words floating through her mind that she can't seem to put to rest long enough to fall asleep.

Just when she thinks she's got a moment of quiet, those words are replaced with a melody.

She lets out a groan, turning over to her nightstand to check the time; 02:00AM.

"Really?" Ellie sighs to herself, before throwing the covers off of her body, and swinging her legs off of the edge of the bed.

She pulls on a hoodie as she stands up, padding across the wooden floor in her bedroom to grab her guitar, which is placed in its stand in the corner of her room.

Ellie continues to him softly, as she settles her guitar into her lap, once she's sat cross legged on the rug in the middle of her room.

She then begins plucking gently at the strings, strumming a few chords to match the melody that's floating around her head.

She thinks about Awsten, and how it felt to watch him tonight.

She thinks about the view of the sky that they had when they walked around his yard, and how it felt to have him holding her hand.

She thinks about how those moments with him tonight— walking side by side, admiring the sky-view, dancing in his living room to one of her favourite songs, the minor teasing and subtle blushing— and she wonders, if that's what heaven is supposed to feel like.

She wonders if, what she felt tonight, really was just a little taste of heaven.

...