I will always put you first (WangXian modern au)

4. "I am here"

Lan Wang Ji, Room D23 - Yunnan Military Base

"Working hard, very busy, but despite all that, I have been quite lonely these past 3 years, 1 month, 22 days, and 13 hours," I reply, looking into his eyes. I hope he can feel what's in my heart.

I am a little surprised at my own words. I have never shown my vulnerability this way to anyone but I realize there was no turning back now. I do not wish to turn back. As I have just told him, I have waited long enough - precisely 3 years, 1 month, 22 days, and 13 hours. I have waited for this moment. Now my heart is unable to continue with any more suspense.

If he is going to push me away, I want him to do it and do it fast. Let him rip me apart. Tear me down completely. Destroy me. But quickly. Let's put an end to this painful waiting. Shall we?

I watch his face and hear a barely audible gasp. He does not look away. His wrist is still in my hand. He does not make any attempt to withdraw that either. That's good. That means my words have not repulsed him. I take that as a confirmation that he is not averse to having me somewhere in his life. That confirmation solidifies my hope.

I hold my breath and watch all the emotions swirling in his beautiful, dark eyes. After the initial surprise I see my longing reflected in them. And then a faint pink spreads on his cheeks. "Oh my, he is so beautiful when he blushes like that. I wonder where that pink will be spreading down to?" it costs me some precious self-control to not look lower than his eyes. My eyes want so bad to feast on those luscious lips, that sneaky little mole, that gorgeous neck. "I know his skin will be warm, all flushed up like that. I did that to him," my heart does a weird flip. I feel smug. I did that to him. I made him look like that. Drawing from some hard-learned restraint, I make sure none of those thoughts show on my face.

Right at that moment, a knock on our door interrupts us, and within minutes he walks away with one of his colleagues. He does look at me before going and graces me with a small smile. A smile that makes my heart glow, and I cannot not smile back.

"Aargh... " I groan, taking my head in my hands. It's a sound of something that is like frustration and something that is like impatience and something that I am yet to figure out.

"A-Xian, what are you doing to me?" I think, exasperated at my situation.

Finishing the somewhat cold coffee, I walk out to clear my head and get things planned for the next few days.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Wei Wu Xian, Yunnan Military Base, later that evening:

The rest of the day is spent with Dr. Xiao, Dr. Song, and me working on a detailed plan for the medical team for the next few days. We only take a small break to bring lunch from the mess hall as we work while we eat.

We divide our team into smaller groups, each of us leading one. We plan for a group of surgeons with me leading them, to attend to people injured due to structures collapsing or trees falling, and such. A group of physicians will run a camp for checking up on people in shelters. Dr. Xiao will lead this group. After the floods, fever is rampant, and there have been signs of cholera due to lack of hygiene. With a few other doctors and nurses, Dr. Song will be responsible for organizing tests and medicine distribution for these.

We have also received confirmation from local hospitals, including Yunnan Medical Center (YMC), that they would let us set up our workstations at their facilities. Our most extensive base will be at the YMC. That place is ideal for handling patients needing surgery. My colleagues know that I have previously worked at that place. They ask me to head the camp over there, and I can't find a reason to refuse. I force down the anxiety that's trying to build up and acquiesce.