I will always put you first (WangXian modern au)

18. "I could not save him"

Lan Zhan, Yunnan

We reach YMC and the medics take my Wei Ying to the OR directly. A pulmonologist and a cardiologist are waiting for him. Our medical team had called in and informed them of the emergency. Another couple of nurses wheel Dr. Wen Ning to another room and doctors start attending to him immediately.

After some time we see two doctors walk towards us from the OR. "Officers, I am sure you are aware that Dr. Wei is critically injured. The bullet wound on his chest has ruptured his lung. There is no exit wound and the bullet is still inside causing more damage. Basically, he is drowning in his own blood as we speak. His body has been brutalized and there are several wounds and burns. The main ones are the burns near his wrists and soles, a deep wound on his arm probably from the other bullet, three broken ribs, and a couple of ligament stretches on his arms and feet. His head is also showing some sign of blunt trauma. Our top priority is to operate to get the bullet out and heal his lungs. Then deal with all his other injuries. This is going to be a high-risk surgery. We need his family to sign the consent forms before we can proceed.", one of them explains.

"He does not have any living family members that can sign. He is a patient of mine, so let me sign those papers.", Wen Qing says firmly. She signs and hands over the papers.

"Both of you, please understand. This is a critical case and chances of survival are slim. We will give it our very best, but please keep your expectations realistic.", he tells us solemnly before both of them disappear behind the blue door.

A nurse comes to inform us that Dr. Wen Ning is coming out of his anesthesia and both his sister and I are allowed to meet him. "A-Jie, they called Xian-ge and threatened him. Hope he did not listen to them. I told Xian-ge to let me be. I asked him to save himself.", he tells his sister tearfully.

"A-Ning, don't you know A-Xian? Of course, he did not listen to them. He wanted to save you. He... he was injured by them and he is undergoing surgery. Please focus on resting and getting yourself better. For now, there's nothing you can do for him except pray. We will keep you posted on how your Xian-ge is doing.", Wen Qing informs him only of the necessary pieces.

I am impressed with the way this woman is handing herself. She does not break down. She is keeping it together. Only her eyes give her away. She is trying her hardest to not let anyone see her tears. We let Dr. Wen Ning rest and move back to the waiting area in front of the OR.

Waiting here for the indicator light on that door to change. Not knowing when Wei Ying will be able to call me Lan Zhan. And yes, I am firmly deciding that it is going to be a matter of 'when' and not 'if'. He has to come back to me. He dare not leave me. Trying to hold it together for so long, not knowing, waiting, hoping, worrying - all of this is making me feel numb. Sliding down to the floor, I pull my knees together and hug myself burying my head on them.

A few minutes later I feel someone tapping my shoulder. "Captain, you should go take a shower....", Si Zhui  is handing me a bag with my clothes in it. Not understanding why I look at him questioningly. He only glances at my shirt. I realize my clothes are still wet with Wei Ying's blood. "But doctors... surgery... I want to be here when he comes out...", I tell Si Zhui  pushing the bag back.

"Based on what the doctors said they will need hours to get done, Captain Lan. You should take a quick shower. When you meet him, you should not wear soiled clothes. He will be very weak physically and does not need the germs.", Wen Qing talks to me patiently, logically. I nod, take the bag, and go to the shower stalls. As if on autopilot I strip, wash, dry, and change. I am back in the waiting room 15 mins later.

As I walk in, Wen Qing leaves the area and when she comes back, she has two cups of coffee in her hands. "Captain Lan, when was the last time you ate something? Here, have some coffee.", she says giving one of the cups to me.