I will always put you first (WangXian modern au)

22. "Xie xie, Captain Lan"

Dr. Wei Wu Xian, YMC

I wake up and feel like I have been in a daze for a long time. I can feel my body hurting. It hurts to breathe. Slowly I open my eyes and as they adjust to the dim light I see that I have an IV in my arm. There seems to be some kind of surgical incision on my chest. Bullet wound! I recall the last time I was awake. Lan Zhan! Wen Ning! How are they? I want to use my other arm, the one without the IV to help myself get up, but I can't. Something is holding it down. It's someone's arm. I slowly turn my head to see the most beautiful face in the world - my Lan Zhan. He is sleeping next to me. His fingers threaded through mine. I heave a sigh of relief. He is safe. He is here with me. I am elated. If he is safe I can hopefully assume Wen Ning is safe too. Lan Zhan must have come with his boys to rescue us. I try to recall what little I remember from that day and all my elation from a moment ago leaves me.

I think back to Wen Chao telling me he had targeted people around me to get leverage on me. I recall knowing that I was after all the reason why Uncle Jiang was dead, why Wen Ning had been in danger, how my Lan Zhan had come close to being hit by Wen Zhu Li's bullet. I recall Wen Zhu Li's lunatic laugh, his hands on me. I can't breathe anymore. I can't see anything. It hurts. It hurts so much.

"Wei Ying," I hear Lan Zhan calling me urgently. "What's the matter? Did you dream of something? Come back to me, my love. Shhh.... I am here. Your Lan Zhan is here. Come back to your Lan Zhan, Wei Yiaa," he coos in his deep honey voice. I will myself to focus on that. I grip his fingers that are still laced through mine. After a huge effort, I am able to breathe, but I can't stop the tears and sobs. I feel unbearable pain in my chest, but I just can't help it.

I don't know after how long, I am finally able to calm down. I realize Lan Zhan has moved even closer. He is holding me, caressing me. I open my eyes to see those golden globes peering into mine, concern etched deep in his countenance. I want to bring him closer. I want to feel his lips on mine. I so wish I could, but I know that would be a terrible mistake. This time I don't give in to my wants. I put on a fake smile. "Xie xie, Captain Lan," I say and watch as the expressions of shock and hurt show instantly on his face. My heart feels like it's been ripped into pieces. But I cannot put him in danger anymore.

"Are you okay?" he asks softly and moves away from my bed. I release his hand and nod. "Thank you for taking care of me. I am sorry for all the inconvenience, Captain." I tell him sincerely.

"It's no inconvenience. It is what I should do," he replies. "Captain, how is Wen Ning? Were you able to rescue him?" I can't wait any longer and ask impatiently. "Yes, he is all well. They had only drugged him. He was kept under observation for a few hours and discharged," he explains and continues, "Dr. Wei, I owe you an apology. If I hadn't yelled at you that night, you would have informed me of the situation and all this would not have happened", he is remorseful and I am sad to see him that way.

"That's not true. I would not have told you anyway because I did not want to put you in danger. You have already done so much for me. I did not want to ask any more of you. Your yelling at me was for the right reason. I did not do my duties well. Please don't feel bad about any of it." It's the longest I have spoken in a while and I am out of breath. I pause and gulp. My hand moves to my chest and I wince as sudden movement causes me pain.

"Are you alright? Should I call a doctor?" he looks very worried. "Yes, please," I croak but try to smile again.

Dr. Song Lan from my team walks in with the resident surgeon. We all discuss the details of my surgery and the next steps. I want to get out of this place and start contributing to the mission as soon as possible. We decide that it will best for me to be discharged after 72 hours. They want to wean me off of IV and move to oral medication plus solid food before letting me go. They also want to have me learn the breathing therapy exercises. I am reluctant to put them through so much, but don't want to bother them, so I agree to all of it.