The Taste of Solitude (Medical Series #3)

Chapter:29

After six months

Huminga ako ng malalim, I keep on telling myself that I can do this.

Kalalabas lang namin pareho ni Luke sa isang opisina, hawak ko ang result ng DNA test, kahit di ko ito tignan ay alam ko na ang resulta. Mas humigpit ang hawak ko rito nang bigla siyang magsalita.

"Can I see it now?" kalmadong saad niya.

Tumingin muna ako sa kanya ng ilang minuto bago dahan dahan itong iniabot sa kanya.

He reached for it that instant. I took another but longer breathe as he start flipping through the pages.

Sinundan ng mata ko ang mata niya habang binabasa ang mga letrang nakasulat rito, but the moment he looked up, I avoided his gaze. Parang di ko kayang makita ang reaksiyon niya.

"K-Krystal...h-how...b-bakit...p-paano mo nagawa sa akin 'to?" his voice broke.

Hindi ko narin napigilan ang pagbuhos ng mga luha ko.

"You didn't just left me, you also took away our child...my child...h-how could y-you..." he continued.

"I'm s-sorry, d-di ko alam...." I keep on crying. We are are both crying.

"Anong hindi mo alam!?" I don't know if he's angry or what, but I understand him.

"I thought...I was rape..." remembering the feeling before made me cry more. The though that I was raped, it's already hell for me, the thought that I nearly ended my life with a living inside my stomach, the thought of leaving the one who made me believe in love because of misinterpretation is enough to make me sick, I sacrificed for nothing, I hurt him for nothing, I hated myself for nothing, All my resentment for the  past year was for nothing, they are all meaningless, how dumb of me, ang tanga tanga ko, I made everyone around me in pain just because I assumed that I was, also, in deeper pain, deeper wound, I was praying for a healing to a wound that was not even, never there.

"W-what?" that was his reaction.

"W-wait, krystal, I don't understand..." kitang kita kong gulong gulo na siya.

I tell him everything, from the very start, just everything. And after that, even though all he did was listen, he looked tired, so do I, we are both tired, tired from this cycle, pagod na kami pareho sa larong binigay ng tadhana, para kaming bola na pinaikot ikot...nakakapagod.

We part ways without a word to each other, Even talking now is tiring, I just want to lay on my bed, stare at my ceiling and pretend that everything of this never happen, I just want to pretend that my life is as fine as diamond, I want peace, even for a brief moment, because I might explode.

———

"This is...this...this is crazy." I don't know how many times Nikkolai said that everything is crazy, I gathered all my family members to tell the truth. Katotohanang pinagdamot sa aming lahat.

"I need to breath." said by my father, after a long silence of him, he finally said something.

He went  out.

Tita hugged me very tight, and then my grandmother.

Granpa was looking at me with hope and assurance.

Nikkolai kept on drinking  his wine. And my son looking confuse and all, I know he's still a child and I felt sorry towards him because he needs to go through all of this.

"So whats the plan?" my dad came back. Kompleto na ulit kami sa hapag.

"I don't know." it's true, di ko rin alam, Luke was still unavailable since the day he learns the truth, no words from him.

"What did Luke said? wouldn't he marry you?" my Lola asked.

"How could he, I hurt him." I smiled bitterly, I understand him, he was hurt, rerespetuhin ko naman ang desisyon niya, di ko rin naman ipagdadamot si Jihyun sa kanya kung sakali, I just want this to be fixed without any conflict. I don't think about marriage right now, my priority is Jihyun.

"But you were hurt too. Di mo naman kasalanan ang lahat iha, ikaw, di mo rin naman alam ang totoo, what you did before is what you think is right, biktima ka rin, you went through hell too, we are all victim of this happening.So don't get all the credits to be at fault, you were hurting too." tita said and patted my shoulder.

I smiled at her.

"You both need to talk again to fix this, we are not in a hurry so take your time, healing is not a race but a process." my grandpa said.

I nooded and looked at my son, I held his hand and smiled at him.

It is indeed a process.

———

It's Monday, and I received a message from Luke that he wants to see Jihyun. After a week of silence, he's finally back.

Kaya naman todo ngiti itong si Jihyun habang inaayusan ko siya, dapat presentable siya.

"I'm gonna meet my Daddy!!" he announced as we both are walking down the staircase.

"Yay! I'm so happy for you!" my tita exclaimed, she's even holding a sandok because she's cooking breakfast. She then looked at me and give me reassuring smile.

Sumakay kami sa sasakyan, this time ako ang nagdrive, sinusulyasulyapan ko si Jihyun dahil hindi mapawi ang ngiti nito, he was even humming a happy song. I can't help but to smile also, seeing my son like this is already enough for me, after all, he is what matters. I am ready to give the whole universe to him if that will make him happy.

We arrived at the mall kung saan kami magkikita, I parked the Car and breathe deeply before looking at Jihyun who already removed his seat belt, he's indeed excited.

We held hands while walking inside the mall, pumasok kami sa isang restaurant. I spotted Luke immediately, he was looking to his phone, kaya  lumapit na kami.

"Doctor?" Jihyun said surprised, at dahil doon, napansin kami ni Luke, he hid his phone immediately and smiled to our son.

"Hi, my little Doctor." he sweetly said.

Tumingin sa akin si Jihyun na naiiyak kaya medyo naalarma ako.

"Is Doctor my daddy?" he asked me.

I nodded and smiled at him."Yes, he is."

Tumingin ulit si Jihyun kay Luke."Jinja?, you are my appa? Jinja?"

Luke nooded repeatedly while smiling, then both of them are crying already. I tried to look away because I don't want to cry too, God, this is so emotional.

After the long drama, Jihyun finally got used to calling him daddy, we had a short eating session before we went to a Children's Park.

They are playing together and just by looking at them, I feel contented. They're both happy, I never saw Jihyun this happy, if only I knew, If only things went right, maybe I can join them there, maybe we are also a complete and a happy normal family like the others, if only.

I took pictures of them whenever they are not looking, this is the only thing I can treasure.

I know, I can't deny, I never stop loving him, I only love him. I still love him. But I know I need to stop...

Dahil alam kung hanggang dito nalang kami, baka ito talaga ang tadhana naming dalawa.

—🌻

p.s: yayyy! (ang bilis pala ng 10 years. kkk)