My Soulmates are IDOLS Books 2+3 | 18+ [SoulBond Series]

207:hated this

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JieMi

JieMi was mortified by everything, so damn fucking embarrassed that he'd burst into tears, unable to keep it all in together. He'd been keeping the tears down for so damn long that when he started crying, he just couldn't fucking stop. It was a leaky faucet that refused to stop flowing. And he was so ashamed of himself and his actions, so damn disappointed by everything he'd done. He hated himself and that hatred had transformed into a sickness in his belly and a pounding in his head.

His soul burned, a deep inner ache within his chest that pulsated with his thoughts.

He could not have Amber.

He could not have Amber.

There was no way he could have her.

And whatever they'd experienced then in the locker had been a lie, an illusion, a fucking fantasy that he'd forced upon her. A fantasy that he wanted more than anything, a dream that his heart longed for, but his mind continued to deny. And— No, no. He didn't want Amber, he was just sad because Ha-Eun rejected him, because Ha-Eun didn't help him. He was just disappointed with Ha-Eun nothing more, nothing less.

It was all just one big fucking mistake.

And he was confused, so damn fucking confused over the emotions that bubbled within his body—a boiling stew on the stove. He didn't know what he was feeling, he didn't know what to do with his feelings, and everything was just a chaotic mess of wrongdoings. His mind was heavy with his sadness, and his heart was filled with his pain.

Did he really like Amber or was this all just the soul bond? Were these artificial feelings brought forth by his depleted soul? Was the pain just a signal from his soul? Was the sadness just a symptom of his rejection? He didn't know what was real and what was not, didn't know what to trust now that his heart was controlled by his soul. He just wanted to go home and go back to sleep.

But where was his home?

Did he even have a home?

He felt like shit.

The tears were still dripping from the corners of his eyes, and he tried to hide it, shaking his head so that his fringe sat heavy over his eyes. He let his dizzy head rest on Amber's shoulder because he hoped that it would calm the turbulent storm in his head. He let her lace their fingers together, let himself sink into the warmth that spewed from her touch because it should fix everything. The confusion, the pain, the sorrow.

But it didn't, and he was still crying.

He was mortified by his tears, but they just couldn't seem to stop. And he was just so, so tired of everything. He cracked open his eye when the car stopped, tried desperately to get up and walk on his own, but swayed and stumbled back into his soulmate's arms when the world spun. Her arms were always, always so warm and the soft, scent of home, apple pie and all sorts of yummy things, wafted from her frame.

"Hey, hey, careful," she said and he refused to look at her, averting his eyes to the ground, afraid of what his heart would do if he saw her then.

Oliver jumped out from the front seat, hurriedly looping his arm around his shoulder with worry in his eyes. His brows were furrowed when he caught sight of the tears and JieMi looked down, hoping his older brother would drop the topic. Please don't talk about it, please. He begged. He would break if they asked if he was okay or not. He was okay. He just needed to pretend he was okay, he needed to tell himself that he was okay...

"Are you okay?" Oliver mumbled softly and his tears only flowed faster at his words, soft sobs escaping clenched teeth. His older brother grew alarmed, holding him tightly into an almost embrace, rubbing his back with quick gentle strokes. "Oh no. JieMi, don't cry, it's okay. Nobody is angry at you for anything, you don't have to be scared."