My Soulmates are IDOLS Books 2+3 | 18+ [SoulBond Series]

220:speak

"Death, I considered it." His face crumpled, expression changing into a slack, almost crazed expression. "I-I wanted it. I wanted the fire, the pain to end. And then I thought-I thought about it, I considered it."

No, no, no.

"JieMi, no, JieMi." Amber murmured but he was too lost in his emotions to listen, and she wrapped her arms around his waist, holding him close. "Don't."

"I-It would be easier. Easier for everyone. The fans wouldn't hate us. They would miss me, but the world. The world wouldn't come for us. And she wouldn't come for you. And I-I wouldn't be the problem in your life—B-but I got scared, and I couldn't do it. And you. You were already so sick. I was afraid you wouldn't be able to take it—W-would you have cried for me?" He smiled then, watery and oh so sweet.

And her heart was pounding from his words, fear buzzing through her veins.

"Of course, I would, why wouldn't I?" Amber soothed, her voice cracking at his words as her mind spun and spun at the possibility. The possibility of a different time, when she would have not found out about this. The possibility of a time where forgiveness was never part of her vocabulary, a time where Amber would hold onto her hatred. A time where she would lash out forever.

A time when she didn't listen.

And she did consider it in her head. She considered rubbing her relationship with her six in his face, she considered hating him for the rest of her life. She considered ignoring him, she considered purposely breaking him out of the group, considered never speaking to him. What would have happened if she pushed him away? If she turned the key in the lock of his jail cell, left him in the grasps of a wolf in sheep's skin.

She would have left him for dead.

She would only know when his dead body would be found in some obscure location. She would only know on the news, a star found dead in his apartment. She would only know the death of a star, the death of her soulmate. How would she feel? Would she have felt their broken bond? Would his death have burned her heart? Made gold spill from her lips?

Her dislike for him would fizzle, it would fizzle into something like self-loathe, regret and confusion. Their family would be broken, empty, a missing limb, a missing soul. The disappearance of a best friend, a soulmate, and a broken man that could have been saved if someone held his hand and promised to never let go.

Her boys would never heal.

Their dreams would be broken.

And the criticism, God, the criticism, the world would lash out at the team.

They would never be whole.

And they would have been reminded of that forever.

"B-but I was an asshole to you. I was a bastard. I deserved to die. I deserved to—" And tears spilled down her cheeks at the sincerity of his words, at the tremble of truth. He genuinely, genuinely believed. That she hated him that much? Never. Never. Never.

"JieMi." She pulled him to her then, pressed her hands to his cheeks guiding his gaze back into her eyes. "Never. Never. Please, never do that to me. Promise me now. Promise me. I don't want to lose you. I don't want you to leave me. Leave us." Her voice grew stronger as she spoke, harsher, firmer, sterner. "I told you I forgave you. Despite everything, I told you I wanted you in my life. I told you to be with me despite our differences. So don't you fucking dare, don't you fucking dare leave me."

"But—"

"Promise me, please." Her words rang in the silence, echoed, sharp and clear. Her eyes, hard and bright with tears and he was shocked at the harshness in her words. Soft, sweet orbs round with shock that the tears were momentarily staunched. And she held his hand then, afraid, so damn afraid that he would leave. That if she let go, he would disappear into the abyss and never come back.

And that scared her.

That scared her so much.

He nodded, a small jerk of his head that made her relax, but his words burned in her heart imprinted in her head. And God, she didn't know what to do with the knowledge of his pain, with the knowledge of how much he wanted his concerns to end. She knew his promise was empty, that if the pain overtook him, he would go. And all she could do except hold him tight.

Rescue came in the form of Casper's hands, strong, steady and ever so gentle over JieMi's back, scooping him up and leading him to a couch. Solace arrived with Oliver's hand on her shoulder, and her men were surrounding them, sweet, gentle, and mature. And they were taking control of the situation, reminding her that the world wasn't just her and JieMi. That there were people they could rely on, that there were things they could do.

"Sit down. Sit down. Calm down and then talk, okay? We're here. We're always here."

"It's okay your brothers will protect you. It's okay. You don't have to worry."

"Oliver, get some water and tissues? Tell our manager too, please."

"Yeah, I'm on it. I'm on it."

"Our JieMi," MinJae murmured, cooing softly as he wrapped his arms around JieMi's shoulders. The image, so loving and tender that Amber's heart tore into shreds. "Don't cry, don't cry, you'll be okay." And JieMi shook harder biting his lips, face crumpling when MinJae stroked his cheeks.

Amber was only thankful that JieMi had come clean now. That he'd spoken before it had been too late. If he'd kept it all in, let the pressure build and build until his mind broke and his will vanished...The image of his lifeless body swinging over the balcony, a beautiful shot taken for the video flashed in her head and her heart dropped, cold and solemn.

"W-what do I do?" JieMi blubbered. "Do I quit the group? S-should I?"

"What are you saying? You're not quitting." Hikaru snapped, rubbing his shoulders, frustrated and filled with his panic. "You are not quitting. We are in this together. And we'll always be in this together, okay?"

"B-but the group, our fans...What will happen to us?" JieMi's brows furrowed and Amber wanted nothing more than to hold him close. "They will hate us, they'll boycott everything. Our company—Our dreams...Our dreams...We worked so hard for this. We came so far. We—" JieMi's eyes watered. "There's no way our fans...They won't understand. They'll drag us down, our family, everything—"

"JieMi," Ezra's voice startled him and Amber turned to see tears streaming down his cheeks, openly crying at JieMi's words. "Our dreams mean nothing without you. Our dreams mean nothing. I love our fans, but seriously fuck them. You're always first okay? You're always first in our world. Your health is always first, you are always first. So calm down. Take your time."

"If you're quitting. We're all quitting," Sieon said, gaze serious and hard, voice strong yet brittle. "IDOL is nothing without a missing member." JieMi went quiet at his words, eyes watery as he scooped his knees up, holding it close to his chest.

"I'm sorry for not seeing your pain," Casper murmured, voice edged with tears. "We're sorry for not being there when you needed us the most."

"We'll solve this together, okay?" Hikaru stroked his head, combing fingers through dark curls. "We'll fix it, you just need to tell us. Tell us everything, no secrets, no lies. Everything, from the top." JieMi glanced at her then, eyes moving to meet hers and she nodded, encouraging, supportive.

"Okay..."

And he began to speak.