My Soulmates are IDOLS Books 2+3 | 18+ [SoulBond Series]

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Amber

She would be lying if she said she was okay.

Seeing JieMi in Ha-Eun's embrace was like gulping down bitter poison from a chalice of ice. What brewed in the depths of her heart was not a jealousy that ate at her soul, but one that burned her alive, twisting at the back of her throat and bubbling forth in the form of pitiful tears.

It wasn't something she hadn't seen before—two lovers in an embrace that would be branded in her head forever by a flaming hot iron. Amber had been well-acquainted with the jealousy that used to brew in her heart at the sight of her soulmate and his lover. So used to it that she'd managed to convince herself that it was all just hatred and spite for his lack of respect for her.

But with love clinging to her heart and oozing from her body, watching JieMi kiss Ha-Eun's cheek was like a gun to her head, and a knife to her heart. Her fingernails had dug into her palm, hands clenched into tight fists, body shaking with pessimistic thoughts that churned in her head.

She knew he was only just acting, repeating lines that would throw Ha-Eun off and keep her happy. She knew that it was all just a damn lie, concocted to keep Ha-Eun on the leash. Amber told herself that, again and again, but the pain that brewed in her was real.

But they looked good together, too good. A handsome idol beautiful enough to be on the covers of every single fashion magazine, and a model with features too perfect to be real. Hand in hand, they appeared to be made for one another, JieMi's visual match in life. Ha-Eun on his lap, legs around his waist and his strong arms around her. He'd caressed her belly and Ha-Eun's smile only grew bigger.

"What do you mean they look like they were made for each other?" MinJae had exclaimed and while his eyes were filled with his pity for her, his lips quirked with amusement. "They look like siblings!" He burst out and Amber had choked at his words, sniffling in his arms. He wasn't wrong. Ha-Eun's surgically created face had an aura to it that matched with JieMi's unparallel beauty.

Amber had never wanted plastic surgery in her life.

She'd stared at her uneven eyes and thought about going under the knife to perfect them. And maybe she did look at the flab under her arms and thought about easier ways to get rid of them. Perhaps, she had been slightly affected by the words her relatives had said about her nose, comments that hit a little too close to her heart. But at that moment, some part of her had wondered if she should get a surgery just so she could stand beside Ha-Eun and call them equals.

"Darling, do what you want." MinJae had scooped her into his arms, stroking her hair. "You can get plastic surgery for yourself. But if you're doing it just to fit into someone else's perception of beauty then I will try to dissuade you, baby. You'll become someone else. Just be yourself." He ran kisses over her jaw, lips caressing the parts that she hated.

But thoughts of her physical appearance were just one of the many thoughts of inadequacy that spewed through her head, burrowing into her chest and killing her from the inside. She was usually strong against those thoughts and she stood tall over the voices of others. But standing there in the dark lecture room, her wall had fallen and crumpled into dust, the arrows piercing straight into her fleshy back and taking her down.

It had hurt to watch JieMi brush his fingers over long blonde hair, pushing curls from another's eyes. It had hurt to watch him smile the same way he did when he told her he loved her. It had hurt to watch him press his lips to her cheek and kiss Ha-Eun the way he had kissed her. She wouldn't have hurt as much if he acted differently, but the JieMi in that room had been a mirror of the JieMi in her heart.

And that JieMi had smiled and laughed to someone else, the way he smiled and laughed to her.

That JieMi was not hers.