Clouds Against the Eclipse

Is it okay if I love you both for now?

Mature sexual content warning!! Thank you so so much for reading! :)

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Bella's POV:

I am kissing Jacob Black...in my kitchen.

Thank God Charlie will be out late tonight.

Jacob's lips move slowly at first but are scorching hot as he takes my mouth, his huge hands wrapping around my waist to pull me closer. He's so tall that I'm standing on my tip toes to get better access, my arms moving around his neck and his familiar earthy scent inebriating my senses. I have known for a while that Jacob has a crush on me and I'll admit I've definitely thought about him that way, despite how hard I tried to suppress my feelings. But for it to finally be happening, for my guard to finally ease up enough to let him in, feels absolutely...liberating.

I still love Edward. But he isn't here anymore, no matter how desperately I wished for him. No matter how many unreturned emails I sent to an unknown address, no matter how many times I wandered through the woods searching for someone who wasn't there. Someone who left me. Someone who said they...wince...didn't want me.

And honestly, how can I argue with that? How can I blame him? I told him a thousand times that it didn't make sense for him to want to be with me.

But Jacob is here, and he does want me. He tells me constantly with his words and actions...and with the way he's kissing me right now.

Oh my...

His long fingers dig deeper into my sides and my breath hitches in my throat, a forest fire of unquenchable lust catching me off guard. The sudden urge to rip his clothes off just to feel him overtakes me, the heat from his beautiful russet skin radiating through the thin cotton of his black t-shirt. My arms move from around his neck to around his waist so that I can slide my hands under his shirt, feeling the hot slabs of ab and muscle concealed underneath. The erotic desire to drag my tongue along his stomach suddenly occurs to me and I'm shocked by my own thoughts, this sudden hunger taking over my usual awkward, rational self. 

I don't want to stop kissing him. I don't want this to stop at all.

"Before we take this any further...Jacob, I-" My words catch in my throat, mortified tears beginning to burn behind my eyes before I can even get my sentence out. Jacob's finger touches my lips and I sigh, leaning into him as he kisses my nose, my cheeks, my forehead.

"Shhh, it's okay Bella, I understand." He kisses my lips briefly and continues, his voice warm and free of any judgment. "I know you still love him, honey. I don't expect you not to. But I'm here and I love you anyway, and I think you love me too. And if that's true then I'm willing to love you through this, unconditionally, without any expectations. You don't have to change anything for me, Bells, and you don't have to pretend you're okay. I love you as you are and I want to prove that to you. I am not going anywhere. And hopefully one day, whether that's soon or someday down the line, you'll wake up and realize the love you feel for him has become a memory."

He brings his lips to mine again, the taste of salt and tears lingering behind as he gently pulls away and gazes at me with his dark eyes. "And on that day, Bella, you'll realize that you're only in love with me."

Pain and desire crash through me as his profession of love and devotion registers in my brain. I cannot bear to hear another word and yet at the same time I want him to talk forever, I want to hear him say romantic things and to whisper my name like it's a holy prayer. And above all else, in this very moment, I want him to keep touching me more than I want my next breath.

What does this mean? And more importantly, what is happening to me?

I look up at him, the expression on his gorgeous face filled with nothing but admiration and sincerity.

Jacob loves me. And I know in my heart that I love him deeply, even if I can't necessarily comprehend what that means right now. So I ask the only thing I can manage to say, my one burning thought before I lose myself in this boy who has become my own personal sunshine, my absolute best friend on the planet.

"Is it okay if I love you both for now? Because if so..." I gulp, using every last bit of my courage to finish what I want to say. "...then I'm yours."

His lips crashing down onto mine is the only answer I need, my fingernails digging roughly into his waist as he cups my tear-stained face in his hands. He is so warm and strong and the taste of him is beyond intoxicating, my entire body screaming and begging for more. His erection is rock hard and huge against me, straining under his denim shorts as our mouths consume each other and his tongue dances with my own. My body shudders at the thought of him taking his clothes off and being completely naked, the idea of him taking me to bed and being inside of me...

Am I really about to possibly lose my virginity right now to Jacob? My Jacob?

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To be continued in Tell me you want me: Bella's POV

*I do not own the rights to these characters. This is a fan fiction inspired by Stephenie Meyer's Twilight Saga.*