EPILOGUE

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Epilogue

"So, you already saw her in Milan, and you didn't tell me?"


Lorelei was serious. She's always the sweetest, but this time, I can't find that in her face when I told her that before Rigan came back, I already saw her along with my daughter. She was trying to stay calm and take the conversation smoothly since she doesn't want to shout whenever we are arguing. I lied to her, and I will understand if she's mad about it. It was my choice after all to keep it.


"If you already saw her before she came back, why didn't you tell her about the annulment?" She asked with her arms crossed.


"Lorelei, that's our first meeting after four years and I don't want to bring that topic right away. Besides, I saw my daughter," I replied and can't even maintain an eye contact with her. I feel ashamed especially to my daughter.


"And you hesitated to do the annulment?"


With her question, I feel like my tongue got caught. I pressed my lips together and started fidgeting my fingers. When I saw Rianne, my remorse became heavier. Rigan was right that I'm a jerk. Even she hadn't been born before, I already committed a mistake... and I already hurt her.


"What? Am I right?"


I sighed and rubbed my hand on my forehead. "I feel bad, Lorelei."


Why did I even put them in this kind of situation? From the very start, I know it was wrong... I was aware that having an affair is the most sinful mistake in marriage. It's simple human decency to follow, but I didn't. Instead of stopping, I tolerated my own shit for two years even I was married to Rigan.


Tumabi siya sa akin at hinawakan ang kamay ko. "Nakokonsensya din ako, Paris," aniya kaya umangat ang tingin ko papunta sa kanya at nakita kong mapait itong nakangiti. "Kahit magalit ako kay Rigan dahil sa ginawa niya sa akin ay hindi nu'n matutumbasan ang galit niya sa akin. Mas mabigat ang dinadala niya kaysa sa akin lalo na't may anak kayo. Kagaya mo, hindi rin ako pinapatulog ng konsensya ko."


We are happy, but there's always conscience as the cost of our happiness. It's always like that. After having fun, our conscience will question us until we got used to it. We were silently being killed by our sins to Rigan. With or without her presence, it feels illegal to be happy.


"At para hindi ako laging gambalain ng konsensya ko sa tuwing kasama ka ay gumawa ako ng paraan at 'yun ay ang annulment. Sa isip ko, kapag tuluyan kayong naghiwalay ni Rigan, hindi na magiging mali ang relasyon natin... pero hindi, Paris. Kahit saang anggulo mo tingnan, mali pa din."


Her grip on my hand tightened as she told me her realizations. There was a pain in her eyes when I stared at her—the pain of an older sister and a lover. We are late to realize how much damage we gave to Rigan, especially me. She trusted me, but I broke her trust.


"I-I'm sorry... I'm sorry for breaking up your marriage," she apologized and started tearing up. Her tears fell on her cheeks, which I immediately wiped using my thumb. "I-I regret everything... I regret hurting my sister just to be with you."

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