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So this chapter is very triggering and full of heavy topics. It's very angsty, obviously. It also involves suicide attempts at the end.
Author's POV
It's been a few weeks since that night. He returned and everything was the same except his parents were even more disappointed and his siblings made even more fun of him. Life was slightly worse for him but better at the same time.
This was the time in his college where everyone would be finding places for internships. Namjoon sent his profile to various major law firms for it. He was sure that he was going to get accepted into one of them. Which he actually did. He later on in the day got an email that said that he got accepted. Namjoon was delighted.
It came in the top 10 law firms of Korea, so there is no way that he wouldn't be subconsciously smiling like an idiot. Jin was happy for him as well. Though, this time Namjoon was nervous that his parents might not have the same reaction again. His parents, as we all know, have very specific and high standards for Namjoon to achieve.
Namjoon walked back home with his books in his arms and with the shadow beside him. "Nervous?" Jin asked "Well, of course. Though, I will have to tell them about it or they will kill me for not telling." "True," Jin said again. Namjoon went in front of the main gate and took a long breath. And when he was ready, he unlocked the door and entered. He went to the living room and saw his parents talking with an unfamiliar person that was in very formal clothing.
He was wearing a suit and stuff. Namjoon had never seen this person in his entire life. "Mom, Dad, who is he?" The guy stood up and went in front of Namjoon. "Hello! You must be Mr Kim Namjoon, right?" He asked. "Yes?" Namjoon replied hesitantly. "I'm lawyer, Kim Gaon, nice to meet you!" (a/n, I love The Devil Judge Kdrama, ok!) The lawyer held his hand for Namjoon to shake. Namjoon shook it after staring at it for a few seconds.
"So what is the meaning of all of this?" Namjoon asked again while taking a seat. Gaon sighed with a serious face. Namjoon also looked down and saw many documents. "Mr Kim, your parents have decided to..." He paused but continued again. "Disown you," Namjoon's world stopped. His breathing stopped, his heartbeat also nearly stopped. Everything stopped for him. It was as if time stopped ticking.
A large spear just went through his heart and came out, just like before, but even worse. Anger, sadness, confusion, all of it, filled Namjoon. His hands started trembling, his heartbeat raised, his lips quivered. "W-why...why is...t-that?" He was on the verge of crying. "Because we didn't like you." His mother said emotionlessly. "What?" A tear dropped down his cheeks. "You were too much of a burden and disappointment. So we thought that this was the best decision." His father said this time.
"Just because of that...you are d-disowning...me? WHY?! I did everything you asked me to do! I never wanted to become a lawyer...but I did it because you told me to. And because I loved you. I thought that if I did whatever you asked me to do, then you will love me as well, just like Hyung and Noona. I gave up my passion because of your demands. I lost myself just so I could become someone that you would love. But what you are doing now, giving up on me? Giving up on me after everything I did?!
I became so broken...because of you! But I never complained. It hurt every time you shouted at me, but I never complained. Why? Because...I-I...loved you two." He cried but continued. "I had no one to help...because of the person you made me become. Everyone went away from me...because of the person you made me become. Even didn't help me! You just kept on putting more and more expectations on me. Because of you I nearly gave up on life!
You destroyed my life as if it was nothing! You ruled my life as if it was yours! Then why...w-why are you doing this to me...now? I did all I could do to make you happy. I did it for you. So how could you do...this?! HOW!? YOU FUCKING MONSTERS! YOU WILL GO TO HELL! YOU WILL PAY FOR MAKING ME SUFFER SO MUCH!" "Sir, please calm down-" Gaon tried to calm him down but got cut off.
"Today, I will set a curse on you! From now on, every year on this day, you will have a massive incident that will scar your whole life and family. You will suffer 10 times more than me. Your life shall be ruled just like you did to mine!" Namjoon's mother scoffed. "As if that actually will happen." Namjoon's eyes were red and filled with anger. He didn't really mean to give out that curse, it was just because of anger. Curses don't exist, I mean, that's what he thought.
Namjoon went upstairs and slammed the door as loudly as he could. He went near his bed and grabbed the knife under his pillow. He was about to but his wrist, until the hand of the shadow held his hand. "You can't!" Jin said. "I will have to no matter what!" He said, trying to get the knife closer. "What about the pledge you made? Are you going to totally throw it out of the window? You said that you will NOT be the one that kills you." "How can I not, Jin? The people that I loved the most in this world have abandoned me. They kicked me out! There is no point in living anymore. I will become a ghost as well and then I will help you."
"If they abandoned you, then you don't have to live for them. Live for yourself! Start again! Become what you always wanted to be." "It's not easy and you know it!" Namjoon said. Jin sighed. He knew that pretty well, he knew how hard it's sometimes to actually live for your own self. More tears started falling down Namjoon's cheeks. He broke down and fell to the ground on his knees. The knife was loosely held in his hand. He sobbed loudly at the scene that just happened in the living room.
Jin gently removed the knife out of his hands and threw it away somewhere far in the room. He kneeled down and gave Namjoon a warm yet very cold hug. At the end of the day, he was a ghost, so no matter what happens, his body will always remain cold. He patted his head gently. Joon continued sobbing. "J-Jin, I loved t-them! And y-yet, they decided to disown me just b-because...I wasn't....g-good enough. I did e-everything I could, but still...I could never satisfy t-them." He cried louder.
Jin just continued to pat his back and spoke in his calming voice. "Well, now you don't need to do so," A long while passed by and Joon was finally calmed down. He looked up at Jin, who was still with him.
"I don't want to stay in this world. I want to forget everything that has happened to me. Because if I keep being here...I don't think I will be able to survive for long."
Jin was surprised at how easily he changed his mind, it's usually extremely hard to make decisions like these. "I am tired of living like this as well, so it's not hard to make this decision. Take me to the place you said. I want to go now." "Are you sure? You will have to give up on everything you have" "I don't care, none of it belonged to me anyway. I was just like a puppet."
So like...my winter holidays are ending which means school's opening...offline, that is. My life can't go worst, but anyways. I think uploads will be slower due to school opening and me banging my head against homework ;-;
