Kat Reviews [CFCU]

Shadowed by Moonlight | Wera

Author: KryssaStevenson

Title of Work: Shadowed by Moonlight

Package: Bronze Egg Package

Reviewed: Chapters 1 (parts a-c)

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2 out of 5

The opening hook was okay. I think because you're trying to sell this "perfect" image of Masina, it's not really personable or inviting. It's almost too "perfect." You want to ensure your opening is different from most, and I don't really get that feeling here. Perhaps it could be resolved by adding a bit about her culture or starting with a distinct memory.

8 out of 10

In the first chapter, I was confused because after the line about "suitors that wrapped around the island", it goes into first person. It was very jarring because I was under the impression that it was going to be third person for the whole story. Since it's not, I think that it's important to establish who the speaker is in the beginning of the story and that may help fix your opening hook issue.

I thought the pacing was comfortable and the overall plot interesting and unique.

10 out of 10

I think the world building is a good start. I like that I can't tell what's real and what's fiction. The creatures incorporated are unlike anything I've read in mythology-inspired stories, so it's very intriguing!

9.5 out of 10

I think you did a great job with describing the demons and the individuals, just be careful of how you provide your description of Masina, it starts to come off a little list-like. Overall, I think there's a good balance between description and narrative, and appreciate that you define concepts as they appear.

8 out of 10

Despite the opening hook, I think you've got a really interesting and compelling story and would love to dive into this more and give it a deep analysis treatment! One comment I wanted to make is that I like that you don't italicize words in other languages. We really ought to normalize that, so I think it's unnecessary to italicize. I think it really makes your story more beautiful.

If you would like to go for the Silver Egg Package, let me know and I can update this review in a new chapter and post the update sometime next week.

Looking forward to hearing from you!

~ Wera

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