both of them

My dream land

I woke up at 3 in the morning and I found myself crying in my room on a Saturday over Lizzy and I know I know  it's stupid since I've just gotten a friend back but still I always had Lizzy as my friend and I never thought it would end since I've known her since 2 weeks after I was born (since shes 2 months older then me)  and I just can't stand the fact that we aren't friends anymore

I was crying to much that I was making noise so I went to the sitting room and snuggled up on the couch and just cried,I tried turning on the tv really low to get my mind of it but that didn't help at all because it just gave me a headache

I was balling my eyes out and it was now 4:30 since I tried the tv thing for a while but I tried this thing Alex told me where you put your legs in your head (like scrunching them up and putting your head on top of them) and close your eyes and think of where you want to be right now , so I did all of that and I started imagining where I wanted to be

I wanted to be in a forest , where I could have all of the privacy in the world, and I can just run away from everything and I could just run out to a sea and when it's sunset I can just run to the top of a hill, then watch the sun go down and whenever I was sad I could just go away from home and go there and I have i little crying den built into a hill whenever I just need to cry and if I need to get away from my thoughts I could get some books to keep there and I'm the only one who can go to this place unless I bring someone like Alex or the person I'm crying over .

I just need a place to get away from life and get away from reality because I swear if I don't I will have a mental breakdown and end up in hospital,again. And I think I know where I can go to find that place I was dreaming of but it won't be exactly the same since it doesn't have an ocean near it but I can't really go there since it's far away and I have a lot I need to work out right now . It's school again in 3 days and I'm close to having a breakdown which is probably to do good for my mental health but who cares I will just scrunch all my bad feelings down for school like I do every day until I cry it out in the middle of the night like I am right now But I usually do this every month just because I try to be happy in school and so that still happens I get a normal amount of sleep so I'm not shitty the next day but sometimes I just need to cry it out and out until I can't remember why I act so happy in school

I guess a reason I act happy in school is because of Lizzy and because she makes me happy and I need her right now but she's not even talking to me in school and Alex told me she never visited in hospital which I couldn't believe but I guess she's not such a bad guy because we had just kissed so she would have been in shock and left and had no idea I fainted although Alex did tell her but she could have just thought it would be best not to go which I guess makes sense , but for now just don't worry she might just need space

Author's note: so what did you think of the chapters? If you like this then I definitely recommend my friends book 'falling for my best friend' because the characters Alex and hazel are her characters and it's Alex's point of view and there's more about hazel . But yeah leave a comment what you thought of it please and I hope you have a great day/night