Against All Odds

Morning Awkwardness

Yelena shuffled in her sleep waking up slowly as the sun's bright rays were peaking through the curtains and blearing her eyes which faltered as they opened slowly. She winced and stretched her legs without moving starting her track of thinking as she opened her eyes. She was in a room that wasn't her own but it wasn't exactly familiar either because it wasn't the guest room. She knew that because that one made her feel like the skyscrapers engulfed her. This one was different. It had violet walls and curtains of similar color outside of which you could capture New York city's essence, since you saw a boulevard full of cars on one of the most notable days of the year; New Year's Eve.

Yelena didn't move yet as she was regaining control of her thoughts. Slowly the memories of last night's events came to her mind and she was getting more and more troubled.

Her and Kate in the living room slow dancing in a tight embrace. How is it possible that something like this happened? More importantly why did she allow herself to let it happen? She remembered how she let herself feel vulnerable in front of Kate, how she shed a few tears that Kate wiped off her face,how she felt so happy she would either laugh out loud or bowl. That thought made her nauseous. And she didn't know why she did any of the things she did considering she knew it would have this outcome.

The thing was Yelena wasn't only bad at expressing feelings she was also bad at accepting the fact that she did. Being under the influence of alcohol made her a little reckless at times and in this case over the top. So now Yelena felt like she could throw up thinking of how she allowed Kate to see her cry. What made it worse is that Yelena wasn't really drunk. Being from mother Russia meant that it was impossible to get drunk and still have consciousness ; you either blacked out and considered that getting drunk, or became slightly lightheaded. And Yelena was barely lightheaded when she went over her  whole life story with Kate.

And it wasn't like she didn't want to do it or that it felt wrong. She'd be damned if she said that it felt wrong, the thing was it felt too right to lean on someone's shoulder literally and metaphorically which scared Yelena to her bones. She was so estranged with this ease at outing ones self that no matter her gut feeling that this was good, it was her brain that screamed to her that it was bad. She felt somewhat angry and annoyed with herself because she went against her basic principles that layed on the fact that she never worded her fears or insecurities. She basically told Kate that she felt insecure that she wanted to stay around her and keep talking to her. And not only did Kate try to reassure her that she didn't need to be insecure, she also used her ancient nemesis against her; touch.

It's not like Yelena never touched others or hated to be touched. She was actually kind of effusive if she felt like it. It was just that it was so unusual for her to feel comforting touch and the one that resembles affection so much that resulted in this weird mix of feelings. Yelena found herself devided between two different worlds inside her going to war. The first one was the one of her heart which was over flown with joy because it seemed like after so long that there was a person that actually wanted to put her at ease and gave her everything she was deprived of, from closeness to comfort. On the other hand there was the world of her brain, the ruler that saved her from so many mistakes and lead her to a successful path that lacked worries coming from external factors meaning other people. It began to look a lot like Kate had become an external factor that her brain needed to be cautious of. And in the midst of this collision there was Yelena that was constantly put in a position to choose one way or the other.

She turned around being at deep thought when she was unexpectedly met with a familiar face from the night before. Her wavy hair being splayed around her on the pillow, some strands falling on her face. Her expression calm and peaceful and her eyes shut as she enjoyed her sleep.