Pride

Chapter Thirty

Shakyra Smalls

"and thinking 'bout you isn't helping, thinking 'bout you doesn't tell me, what good it would do if I decide to face the truth..."

-Could've Been; HER & Bryson Tiller

My best friends were hurting, and it hurt even worse to stay out of it. Although I went through the movements as I should have as Ketara's best friend, I looked into Louis' eyes and knew what had happened to him was a part of a bigger plan to break them up. I could smell Broderick's hands all over the set up and I was surprised that Ketara couldn't see it. I had to also remember that all she could see was that Louis cheated. I didn't realize how deeply my dearest friend's insecurities ran when it came to Louis but I was shocked and saddened that she was waiting on the other shoe to drop.

Still.

Even through my disappointment however, I didn't want to judge her. I thought of Jay briefly as I remembered my cautiousness with him. As his name passed through my mind, I wanted to spit. I was very confused on my feelings with Jay at this point, but I definitely tasted resentment on my lips. I felt shame. I went through hell keeping my virginity from an undeserving DeMarcus, only to give it up to an even more undeserving Wendell. I sighed, blinking back useless tears since they hadn't done much for me in the past two years. Crying didn't do much for me, so I hadn't wanted to waste more tears over the situation.

Jay made sure to walk past my house recently with another girl hanging off of his arm. He made sure that I sat on the stoop to see him. I decided I might as well adopt Ketara's habit of staying in the house. I didn't want to be a part of him hemorrhaging pain that was self-inflicted. He'd be an asshole alone from now until the rest of the coming school year.

I was still sitting on the stoop, trying to understand my feelings when I saw a familiar car pull up to my house. Dusk was again settling on the street as I watched Trevante's form appear and step smoothly out of his Lexus. I rolled my eyes, beginning to stand up even as they locked again with his and felt the tremor go through my body. I sucked my teeth, not in the mood to war with him. I'd just about had enough with boys.

"Sweetheart, wait."

I stopped just as reached the door and sighed heavily, turning around to meet his gaze. He walked up the steps and stopped short in front of me at the top. I hated how weak I became at the sight of him. It hadn't been more than a day, but it felt like forever since the last time I laid eyes on him as he walked past with the random girl. He wore all black from his t-shirt to the expensive jeans he sported. The Jordan 11s he had on was the only bit of color he had on with the white trimming. I found myself biting my lip, unable to stop myself. Just taking him in did things to me. Just feeling his presence was almost unbearable. Yet, I didn't forget his gaze at me as we crossed paths. I didn't understand it. Not when he acted like he didn't want me as much as the next guy around the way.

"I'm upset with you."

He sighed, "I'm upset with you, too. But I'm here...mostly because I know I have no right to be."

"You don't! I was...I was practically with you for weeks and weeks and then you decided to leave."

I should've realized it before but I hadn't because I thought we were still cool. I didn't realize that Trevante had pretty much decided to turn cold on me after all. At least, that was what I thought his motives had been. It was hard for me to tell because we were running hot for weeks. We weren't on the phone for hours but we did hang out for days after the fact. Jay had pretty much become a thought in the back of my mind until the party that night. I see that in a sense, his presence and his movements had pushed Trevante away from me.