Pride

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Ketara Greene

"It's not right, but it's okay...I'm gonna make it anyway..."

-Whitney Houston; It's Not Right But It's Okay

Rewind

A couple of weeks ago, I'd ended up texting Louis since I spied him across the street talking to Shakyra. Had it been anyone other than my best friend I might've felt uncomfortable. As it was, I suddenly remembered the insecurities I faced when I was younger, wondering why Louis hadn't wanted to befriend me at all. I wondered what was so wrong with me that he went out of his way to hurt me but stay friendly with Shakyra. I also questioned for a time why she never did away with him like she did away with everybody else. Little did I know they were even having the same conversation. Years later, I would come to find out that Louis and I were honestly just a pain in her side no matter how you turned us around. I couldn't hold onto that for too long either. Although Shakyra never turned against Louis she did show her displeasure of his treatment towards me. Also, we all lived on the same block. There had to be some loyalty.

I watched them talk but mostly saw that Shakyra was upset about something. I didn't truly know what it was since she seemed happy that she and Jay had gotten back together. I wouldn't find out for weeks that she was feeling the opposite. That came to light in a different conversation.

I was feeling some kind of way though while I looked at my man outside. It might've been an accumulation of the past couple of weeks. Since we confessed our love it's like we've been glued to the hip and all I've wanted to do was take it a level deeper. Really, I had those feelings for some time but as of late it's just been more and more strong. My curiosity for the act as well as doing it with him filled my thoughts on a regular basis. I was still sometimes surprised that he declined taking things further the first time I offered. I was grateful for it a little later, but still surprised. I thought for sure he would've taken the bait but all in all it wouldn't have ended well for me. Plus, I didn't need the reminder of Tracy being the catalyst for me losing my virginity.

I sighed and walked away from the window, suddenly feeling like I was doing way too much. I decided to take a shower to calm myself and get ready for bed. It had taken me about a solid two hours because I decided to wash my hair and deep condition at the same time. I took the time to shave my legs and my arms, including my pits. I was careful not to hurt myself and took the time for myself. I learned the importance of taking care of self and I didn't want to lose it even in the midst of my relationship with Louis.

I stepped out of my shower, drying off and proceeding to lotion my body. The lavender body butter that I used calmed down my spirit and my mind. Once I had brushed my teeth and finished the last of my ritual, I was clothed in my pajama short set. I sighed, jumping on my bed and grabbing my phone. I smirked to see a message from Louis from around the time I went to take a shower.

I mean if you're gonna be a creep at your window, come down and sit on daddy's lap. We got enough room for you too.

I giggled but changed into this black jumpsuit that I'd gotten recently from Fashion Nova. Next my black Nike slides were on my feet. I grabbed the blue kimono that I had laying around along with my purse and then quietly crept downstairs and out of the house. Really, I wasn't supposed to be outside but the need to see Louis overtook the fear of my mother in that moment.

When I stepped outside and looked across the street, I walked across as I watched them still chattering happily. I coughed just to be extra and laughed as Shakyra looked up at me with a raised brow. She chuckled.

"Like I said, y'all will find any way to be up under each other."

"Yeah, yeah. I got invited actually."