Pride

Chapter Twenty

"I'll always come back to you..."

-The Isley Brothers; Voyage to Atlantis

Shakyra Smalls

Tamia's Officially Missing You played on repeat while I laid in my bed like a zombie. I stared at my phone repeatedly, hoping that Jay would call at some point. I had talked a big game earlier in front of Louis, but I knew if Jay called on the humble tip, I wouldn't give him much resistance. I knew and understood that it all looked shaky. I also knew that I was holding back on him because of the little point of DeMarcus still clouding my mind and my heart.

Still, I was hurt because he hadn't given me a moment to defend myself. I was angry because he cut me off so coldly, I could feel the wind chill as I walked away from his house. I was saddened because I had real feelings for Jay. I pictured us going very far. Even after that, the night we hung out made me further comfortable about taking things farther with him. His selfless nature undid me and made me want to give it all to him.

Sadly, as soon as the new year rang in, I'd be ghosting him if he had any nerve to have a change of heart. There was only so much begging I could do and I wasn't about to beg a soul to be with me. That wasn't how I did business.

I shifted on my bed, covered in my thick blanket, sighing out loud. I scrolled through Instagram and watched stories of everybody's Christmas. I watched the smiles and laughter that surrounded people on the holiday and wished the smiles were more contagious in my house. Ketara and her mother did their absolute best but smiling was a little hard for me to do for the moment.

My heart stopped even harder when I stopped at Jay's Instagram page and scrolled through the pictures. There was a picture of him with family but some of the pictures featured him and a girl. He was cozy with her as if they were talking and seeing it made me stomach turn and my eyes burn. I started shaking so badly that I was ready to throw my phone at the wall but steadied myself. I unfriended and blocked him without much of a second thought and decided that my movements were on point. As soon as school started again, I had nothing to say to him.

I was busy trying to get the image of Jay and the unknown girl out of my mind but her sitting next to him swirled in my mind and I couldn't help but compare and contrast between me and the girl. Where I was slender, she was curvier. Where was I a caramel tone, she was closer to café au lait. Where my eyes were almond shaped hers were bigger and rounder. Her lips weren't as full as mine but that might've been the only victory. If that were a victory at all. Some dudes were into smaller lips. Whatever lips could fit around them, they were happy with it for the most part.

I breathed in and out, willing the images and the pictures to leave my mind. I found I wasn't having much luck.

The doorbell rang, pulling me away from my reverie for a second. My eyes furrowed, making me wonder who would be at my door after nine o'clock at night. I trudged to the door, silently wishing for Jay. When I opened it up, Trevante stood on the other side and I didn't know whether I was excited or not.

"Can I help you?" I questioned, unsure of how to respond to the fact that he was standing there,

I still remembered the barbed insult he threw at me callously not even two days ago. So many emotions swirled around in me that day. I was elated. I was disappointed. I wanted to retrace my steps to slap him across his arrogant face but knew all I'd want to do was kiss away the pain. The influx of emotions both confused and angered me. Even standing here now I wasn't sure what was going on within me.

He was so damn fine.

Trevante held out the book we'd both been eyeing at Barnes and Nobles before everything went horribly left. Despite myself, I gasped, once again shocked at something he'd done. I wasn't entirely sure of his reasoning and I was somewhat hesitant to take the gift from him. However, this was Trevante Rhodes standing in my doorway on the night of Christmas. I decided in that moment, I wasn't about to tempt fate with a surly attitude.