You are my sunshine, My only sunshine

CHAPTER 30: EPILOGUE

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SARAH'S POV

"Sarah. Is, is it a no?" His voice. His soft voice woke up all my senses and brought me back to reality.

"Tan."

"Sarah."

It has already been three years. Three years and everyday, I still think of him and what happened to him as if it were just yesterday.

"Hey, you're crying. It's alright." He pushed me to him and enveloped me in his arms. I didn't know I was already crying.

"Sarah it's okay. I know that it's still him."

"Tristan. I'm sorry."

Tristan is proposing to me again. I know that he loves me. He truly does, but I can't be with someone I don't whole-heartedly love. Kasi kahit anong tanggi ko sa sarili ko, alam kong siya parin. Si Matt parin.

We tried to revive Matteo countless of times, we tried everything we can do to save him, but he really needed to go and be with our creator that night. When I lost him, Tristan was there to comfort me. He never left my side even if he knew that I was mad at him for what he did back then.

As time passed by, I was able to forgive him, my mother, and boss Vince. But what they did to Matteo and I, will forever be in my memory.

Tristan courted me again. He took care of me, loved me dearly and respected me kahit tinataboy ko na siya. Sinagot ko siya kahit alam kong wala akong ibang nararamdaman para sa kanya kundi galit at paghihiganti. Gusto kong maghiganti sa ginawa niya pero hindi ko rin kaya. I feel so bad for the way I have been treating him over the years. Alam kong mali. Maling mali na pumasok sa isang relasyon para lang gantihan at paasahin ang isang tao, lalo na at may iba kang minamahal. At lalo't higit kung wala rin naman siyang ibang ginawa kundi alagaan, at mahalin ka.

"Tristan, hin-hindi ko kaya. It's still Matt, Tan. Si Matt parin." I said with my quivering voice as I laid my head on his shoulder and sobbed.

"Hey. Sarah, it's okay. Ako lang naman tong pinagpipilitan ang sarili ko sayo." He said without looking at me, but his hands were on my head and shoulder, trying to comfort me.

We are seated on a bench, looking at the beautiful sunset. I suddenly remember the days when Matteo and I would go out together and watch the sunset while holding hands. Before the sun comes down fully and the surroundings get darker, he would tell me that I'm his sunshine. That his life will never be dull even if the sun is already gone, as long as I am right beside him, for I am the one that truly shines and brightens up his world. We would hug each other so tight as if it were our last day of being able to be in each other's embrace. And looking back, I wish I hugged him even tighter, because now, I really miss his warmth and presence beside me.

I stared at Tristan for quite a while. Even if he doesn't tell me, I know that he's in pain. And I'm tired of making him suffer and hurt. I should end this as soon as possible.

"Tristan." I uttered as I made him look at me.

"I'm sorry if I have been treating you the way I should've not for the past three years. I appreciate how you take care and love me, even if you don't receive anything back from me, but I'm sorry. Alam kong alam mo na kailanman, hindi nawala ang pagmamahal ko para kay Matteo. A long time ago, I already vowed and made a promise to myself of loving no any other man except my father and him. Kaya patawad na hindi ko na naman matatanggap ang alok mo sa aking magpakasal, sa hindi ko na alam kung pang-ilang pagkakataon. I'm sorry, Tristan. And for the last reason, I'm sorry, for I am breaking up with you."

"Sarah."

"I don't want to keep on hurting you, Tan."

"But I'm okay with this, as long as I'm with you, I will be okay."

"Tan, pagod na rin ako. Gusto ko na ng tunay na tahimik na buhay. And I know, even if it's hard, I will learn how to live peacefully and happily without the presence of the person I truly love, kasi alam kong nakabantay lang siya sa akin sa itaas. Tinitingnan ako mula sa malayo, at minamahal ako sa espesyal na paraan. Tan, wag mo nang pahirapan pa ang sarili mo. What you've done for me is already enough. I apologize if I am not able to love you back the way you love me, but I thank you for being you. I will forever be grateful to have met you. But this really isn't our time. Maybe in our next lives, we are meant for each other. But in this one, we're not. I'm sorry, Tristan. I really am." I didn't bother to wait for his reply and just immediately stood up. I still need to go to my love.

...

"Matt!"

"Lovey ko! I missed you, namiss kitang sobra."

"Miss na miss din kita, mahal."

"It's been days since the last time we saw each other. And this, your hug, is truly worth the wait." He said as he hugged me tighter.

"I love you, Matt. Mahal na mahal kita."

"Mahal din kita, Sarah. Higit pa sa buhay ko."

"I have watched this video so many times already Matt, but I still cry over it for every single time." I am here, at the cemetery, caressing my love's gravestone. I just finished watching a stolen video of ours on my phone, it was taken and captured by Tita Glenna when I visited their house to surprise Matteo after tiring days of not seeing each other. Whenever I miss him, I would just go to my gallery, look at our pictures and watch this particular video. It somehow lessens the pain I'm feeling whenever I hear his voice telling me that he loves me.

"Miss na miss na kita, Mahal." I said in tears. A sudden breeze of air passed by and hugged my body, Matteo must be feeling the same way. I looked above and smiled. It was already getting darker as the sun has already set, but true enough, I believe his words.

"Matt, if I were your sunshine when you were still alive, you are now mine who lights up my world even if the sun is already gone. I miss your physical presence by my side, but this feels uniquely special. I can feel you hugging my body, Matt. I can feel you telling me that you love me."

.."It may be dark now, but I feel as bright as the sun, as I am near you. Truly, you are my sunshine. And my only sunshine, indeed."

~ THE END ~