Wild Eyes (E. Olsen)

But Which Her?

Alycia's POV

It's now New Year's Eve and I honestly can not wait for the new year to start, but then again nothing can change by the stroke of midnight on the clock so what's the point? 

Lizzie and I's relationship has been non-existent since I came home from my date with Eliza. I couldn't try to push away the tension with my best efforts, it was unbearable and I don't think the sharpest knife on earth could have cut through it. Rose insisted on hearing about the details of how my date went, therefore I provided her enough information to satisfy her while simplifying it enough for Lizzie who uncomfortably listened in. 

I can't even begin to understand the thoughts that are swirling in my head concerning Lizzie's reaction to the idea of me dating. Let me break this down again and try to understand:

1. Lizzie was or is my best friend.

2. I fell for her deeply. 

3. She gave me all these mixed signals while we were filming and unintentionally broke me. 

4. She's in a relationship that she seems happy to be in, scratch that, she's engaged ready to be married in a year's time. 

5. She almost kissed me. 

6. The almost kissed was never brought up. It was as if that time never even happened.

7. She hates the idea of me dating. 

Now that the key points are listed in reference to my dilemma regarding Lizzie, I believe anyone to who I present this to could understand why I'm stumped. Where do I begin? Truly and honestly, where do I begin? 

I've talked to the twins about it, they were quite shocked to hear that their sister almost made a move on me, but they had no words of advice for me. The same goes for Scarlett and Sebastian, all I got was them shaking their heads in disbelief and a shrug with a pat in the back and a 'good luck.' 

I have not properly spoken to Lizzie since Scarlett's Friendsmas party, we had some small talk when I got home from the date but that was it. We haven't tried to contact each other and I'm supposed to be seeing her for Scarlett's New Year's Eve gathering tonight. The same people from the Friendsmas gathering are invited but only a few could come which makes this evening an even more intimate setting. Lizzie along with her fiance, Robbie, has confirmed their attendance and so did Eliza, who will be showing up as my date. 

I've been in bed all day contemplating if I should maybe take Eliza somewhere else for the night, because can I really endure being in the same room with a woman who can possibly send me into cardiac arrest? 

Speaking of which, Lizzie isn't the only woman that's occupying my mind, a portion of it is filled with Eliza.

Eliza, a beautiful woman who has done nothing but bring a smile on my face and produce laughs from me in command. Being with her is smooth sailing and effortless. I don't find myself thinking about what to say next or worrying about what she could be thinking in regards to us. Eliza is an open book, she's baring out her intentions and she isn't one to beat around the bush. She knows what she wants and she gets it, I like that about her. In simple words, being with Eliza is easy and probably the smart choice.

Now, I have this woman with who I can potentially have something great.  I adore her and I care for her and I feel those same feelings reciprocated to me just as much. The relationship that is blooming between Eliza and me is a give and take, it's openly a two-way street between us and it's a blessing to have that from the start. 

And then there's Elizabeth. A woman I unexpectedly fell for. A woman who started as a stranger who easily became one of my best friends, if not, the best out of all of them. A woman who fiercely weaved her way into my life without me even realizing it. A woman who made me feel things I haven't felt in a while. 

She got me to love her favourite shows that I always hated, made me try food that I never thought of trying. We made plans to travel away for vacation, stayed up till the crack of dawn talking about anything and everything, our whispers of promising each other to always put one another first gone with the wind to the moon.

I've been hurt through and through in the past by people to who I gave my everything. But this. This pain is nothing compared to the pain I've felt years ago. I didn't think I could hurt more than I already was until I found myself wanting Lizzie to such a great extent, only to be slapped in the face with no other choice but to move on from her. 

Loving Lizzie was sunshine and rainbows. 

Loving her was powerful. 

Loving her was wild.

Loving her was like running through the beach at golden hour. 

Loving her was uncontrollable in the most beautiful way. 

But,

Loving Lizzie was my greatest form of self-destruction. 

Loving her was dumb and dark. 

Loving her was a drug that I couldn't give up. 

Loving her was like giving her the matches to burn the forest down, for which she did. 

Loving Lizzie was a losing game. 

We were always a losing game. 

It's dumb, isn't it? It's dumb to be so caught up in something you knew was going to crash and burn before it even began and yet here I am buried under all the rubble. I thought I was better than that, I thought I'd learned. 

But we aren't talking about just any other person here, we're talking about Elizabeth Chase Olsen.

Thinking about all of these all day made it clear who I have to pick between the two. The question of 'Elizabeth or Eliza' that has been swirling around my head will be answered tonight. I pick her. I pick her to start my new year with. 

Third Person POV

But which her?