MADMAN'S ARMS

42

Tuesday, September 3rd

"You're supervising after lunch as well, right Beverly?" Janet asked while chewing her lunch of Swedish meatballs.

I nodded my head to answer her question as I chewed my own Swanson meal. The supervising hours were the part of my job taking the least energy from me. Even if it was always important to stay alert and sharp, and be prepared for the worst to happen during the patient's free time, it was very unusual for something like that to happen.

It was almost too peaceful and still every time I was there, but for that I was grateful since it felt good for the soul to have one moment of mental reservation every now and then. Especially after the jumbly thoughts and emotions with Brandon started.

"I really don't get how you manage to work with that man, Bev. He is terrifying just to look at," Mildred stated while shrugging her shoulders.

I got a bit surprised. Did Brandon really frighten people around the hospital that much? I knew the things he had done sounded graphic enough only to hear about, but the thought that the nurses, who treated people every day who behaved far worse, couldn't even stand looking at him, was a logic I couldn't manage to comprehend.

"You mean Brandon? Oh, he's not as tough as you may believe. But indeed, Mildred, he is a very dangerous and destroyed man," I replied in concurrence, and suddenly Harriet decided to follow through with the conversation.

"He must be into you somehow," She said using a voice of convincement as her cherry lips shaped a smile.

I almost choked on my food as my stomach knotted and my heart started to beat a hundred times faster. Why would she say that?

No matter the reason, I could not allow my friends to believe Brandon was into me in any way possible. It didn't matter if it was a common appearance with patients during intensive treatments like the one we were currently going through.

I widened my eyes and looked back at Harriet with a face of surprise.

"Excuse me?" I blurted while breathing out a laugh at her hilarious statement.

"It's obvious, Beverly," She rolled her eyes, and both Mildred and Janet nodded their heads desperately to show their agreement with Harriet.

"Do you not see it? The way he acts when he is under your care... Nobody here has ever seen him like that. And do you believe it was just a coincidence that he outraged with Ethel? I don't think so. Brandon Barlowe clearly feels something for you, Beverly. We have seen the way he looks at you in the gathering room, and how he rather sits with you than alone reading in his corner. He has never done anything like that before, " Harriet's words truly were convincing, and I was more than aware of how Brandon felt towards me. But again, they could not know anything, not even suspect anything, because that only made me nervous and brought me closer to the prohibited truth I still couldn't bear confessing to myself.

No matter what I knew deep inside of me, what secrets I shared with that man and what we had done together, I had to pretend in front of the girls at every cost. Maybe I could handle them believing him having eyes for me, since it was not something unusual with the patients, but that Brandon's feelings were actually answered by me, was a truth I would never share, no matter how close friends we were.

"I... I don't know what to say. Last time I checked, psychopaths did not really have the capacity to be emotional," I winked at Harriet while holding my laughter inside.

The three of them did yet still believe that Brandon was a stone-cold psychopath, who only knew how to murder innocent people and how to be aggressively outrageous.

The girls smiled at me while shaking their heads, but they remained silent from my knockout. Now they were the ones thinking I was hilarious, but I just wanted to be right, and avoid bringing up any kind of suspicion.

"Psychopath or not, you are doing something to that man," Janet broke the silence with her girly, coaxed voice and now I was the one shaking my head. For my notice, they just enjoyed messing with me about Brandon to make me giggly and uncomfortable.

"Well, if you say so then," I finally put my cards on the table and gave up to make the girls believe they just won with their intriguing and convincing statements of madness.

I could certainly play along with their trifling and there was really no part of me getting offended by it. But the realistic, out-loud talking about it, made me realize even more how extremely wrong this all was.

The only reason the girls joked about it, was because it was such a bizarre, unlike scenario, with no chance of it ever being real. It was just an implausible idea to make fun of.

"Speaking of emotions... Do you know who asked me out? Again..." Breaking the silence once more, I finally left the previous subject behind. The three girls looked at me with big expressions of curiosity and I started giggling.

"It was Donald, was it not?" Said Janet.

"Of course it was Donald," I answered while still showing my teeth through the grin placed over my lips.

"Oh, so there's going to be a second date?" She asked along.

I spared a moment in silence as all three of them stared at me, patiently waiting for my answer. The way each of them acted just like the exact stereotype of a woman, made every situation in their company so much more entertaining.

I adored how they always spoke in choir, or how they all widened their eyes in the exact same way when they were about to find out something they didn't already know.

Each one of them was so unlike the other, with totally different features and strong personalities. But still, in some way, they were so much like each other, and they probably didn't even notice it themselves.

"Actually, I declined and said no," I was never going to tell the girls the actual reason why I denied another date with Donald, the truth about me having feelings for another well-known man, on the inside of the actual institutional walls.

"Excuse me?" Queried Harriet.

"You did what?" Janet questioned right after.

"Why Beverly?" Mildred finished.

"I just feel like I don't have the time nor the will to actually prioritize a relationship right now. So it does not feel very fair to accept a second date with Donald when I already know that I don't want anything other than friendship", That was the truth, but only half of it. I did in fact not want to rush into a serious relationship with anyone, and I surely did not have the time for it, but the actual reason was that other guy.

That guy in cell number 401 who got me weaker than anyone else, whom I laid with just yesterday, whose lips I secretly kissed when we were supposed to have our meetings.

He was the true reason behind it all.