MADMAN'S ARMS

54

( 🎶 The Funeral - Band of Horses)

The seconds passed without a single word coming out of Brandon's mouth, and I remained silent as well, being too uncomfortable and prepared for anything to happen.

Again he penetrated my soul with his beautifully scary eyes and all I wanted to do was scream out and cry of fright and pain.

This situation was too much for me to handle, and probably it was too much for him as well. Being abandoned in this state, right after his whole environment turned against him once again. It couldn't be easy, I knew it wasn't. But he was playing along all the way, and he wouldn't give up until it would completely explode inside of him.

I felt so stupid. I shouldn't have done this to him just days after the traumatic treatment. He was weaker than ever. He had just been humiliated and abused. Forced into something against his will.

Deep inside of me, I still felt sympathy for him. But I had to do this for myself. I was falling apart, and that was because of him. He affected me in only the bad ways. He made me weak, weak from passion, weak from hate, weak from mentality. He took everything from me. It was like he was slowly stealing my soul to use it only for himself. Like he turned me into the patient instead of himself, slowly driving me crazy, dragging me deeper into insanity, fooling me into believing he was all I needed to be healthy.

He was the devil who slowly sucked my spiritual energy out to turn himself into the good one. Because in his presence, I was the one being insane, the one that had to be taken care of, the one that had to be caressed and comforted after all I had to witness only because of him.

I was so disappointed with myself, falling for all his defraud. But it was already too late. I had already lost, now only trying to get myself out of it before it would get even worse...

As I looked back into those extremely persuasive eyes, all I wanted was to be near him. I could hug him, kiss him, share my whole body with him, I could run away instantly with him. Because in those eyes, I could reflect everything I wanted. It was like looking right into heaven.

As Brandon blinked I faded back to the plight moment, then his lips slightly spread.

"What?"

One single silent word left his mouth.

I knew that he heard me. He just wanted me to repeat the words to make it even harder for me.

He made me so frustrated, but I was surprised by his peaceful reaction.

"You heard me, Brandon," I responded as quietly as himself. The atmosphere between us was now so tense that we could nearly touch it.

I could feel his heart breaking right in front of me, the pieces shattering inside his ribcage, slowly tearing him down, shrinking in posture, filling his face with sorrow. I already convinced myself that he didn't have a heart, yet it was sickening to watch what I was doing to him. It was confusing and so painful. He understood that this was our last goodbye.

"You're leaving me? Now?" His voice enticed my tears, and I bit my tongue so hard by now that I could taste the blood in my mouth.

"It's the best for both of us and you know it. I am not a good nurse for you or your treatment, and you are not a good patient for me, not after everything we've done," I kept looking into the wall as I spoke to him.

"You know that I need you," By now I could hear the tears filling his throat, but deep inside I knew it was all an act.

I didn't answer him. All I wanted was for this to be over, and even though I could get up and leave whenever I wanted, it felt impossible and unfair to do that. I didn't even want to leave him... yet.

"You know that... I love you, Beverly,"

Suddenly it felt like somebody stabbed a knife straight into my heart and twitched it around to compass the torturing pain of hatred.

I could not hold it back any longer. My whole body started shaking and the tears began to fall down my cheeks. I didn't want Brandon to see me, but I knew it was already too late since I was still seated right next to him.

Once again I scratched the skin of my wrist to keep some sort of control over my body. The last thing I wanted was to break down in front of Brandon, that would just make everything worse. I had to show him that I was confident with my decision and that I was still strong, even though I truly wasn't.

He laid his hand carefully on my wrist and I shivered as I felt his skin against mine. His hand was cold and rough and even though I had every reason to feel insecure and unsound, he made me feel safe with his touch.

I dried my tears discretely with my other arm and took a deep breath to settle, and once again I managed to look up at Brandon and into his sparkling sad eyes.

I allowed the seconds to pass. Somehow I wanted the moment to last forever although I knew it couldn't.

"You will never be capable of love, Brandon,"

Even though an array of soundbites never hurt me this much, those were my last spoken words of complete weakness before I left the room and abandoned Brandon for good.

He was now left alone into his misery and heartbreak, and I was finally free.

I ran through the corridor as the tears streamed down my face, and I sobbed as quietly as I could, but it was hard to be silent when all I wanted to do was scream.

Now it was all over.

I was relieved and proud of myself, but still, I felt so much of that torturing pain. It was like he was chasing me.

Would I ever get rid of him?
Would I always feel this way from now on?

Maybe I should've stayed and kept myself from this cumbersome pain.
No.

Now it was done, and it was for the best.
For Brandon's best, and last but not least,

for my best.

THE END