MADMAN'S ARMS

37

Minutes of silence passed, and I used my lungs to breathe in the oxygen from the warmth encircling us where we sat so peacefully on the wooden bench.

There was nothing awkward between the two of us, but the silence slowly started to overwhelm me. I wanted to speak with him so badly, but I didn't want to ruin his embracing moment with the invigorating outdoor air.

Patiently, I sat still while picking my nails. I tried to focus on the beautiful choir of birds that sang so delectably for us, but it was hard for me not to fade away in the thoughts of what we did earlier.

I wondered what it felt like for him. Did he think about it as well? Maybe that was the reason he was so quiet.

I started biting the skin of my cuticle as a shower of insecurity ran over my body, and my heart skipped a beat with it. What if he regretted it, and that was the reason behind his silence?

My stomach ached, and the atmosphere suddenly turned into something a lot more tense and intriguing. I knew he couldn't read my mind, but the air between us was touchable right now.

It was like an electric string floated around in the air in front of us, reaching to strike one of us and painfully vibrate with electricity through the body of choice.

I bit my tongue. I wanted him to break the silence, I wanted him to calm me down with his soft voice to make sure that everything was as perfect as before. I needed him to tell me that he didn't regret anything about what happened earlier.

"Beverly?" My eyes widened with relief, and I looked at Brandon still seated to my right. Maybe he actually could read my mind.

"Yes, Brandon," I replied as he got quiet again. But this time he let the silence embrace us for only a couple of seconds.

"Do you still think that I'm a monster?" His voice was low and husky, and I noticed he spoke that way on purpose since he didn't want Frank to hear him.

His question shocked me, and I figured what answer he expected. Nothing about what happened between us changed the fact that he was a brutal killer.

He still performed extremely graphic crimes, and he was still a very violent and dangerous man. He killed a pregnant woman, three small children, even an unborn child. Nothing from his past changed because he was here with me.

None of his actions got justified just because he was being nice to me. I swallowed hard as I figured out what to say.

"No, Brandon. I don't think you're a monster," I finally conceded as I sighed out and decided to form my lips in a shy smile.

The dimples in Brandon's cheeks got visible as he did the same. Sometimes I forgot that he was actually as able to smile as any other person.

My stomach knotted once more as he grabbed his bottom lip between his teeth to get rid of the smile on his face. A second was just enough time for him to expose himself with a bit of emotion.

"I knew you were different," He kept his face grave as he spoke to me again. I was actually glad he thought so. It made me feel proud, like I had accomplished something that nobody else seemed to settle.

Suddenly everything felt so much better again, and the insecurity left my body along with the heavy lump that was placed inside of my belly.

I breathed out once more to clear my caught-up lungs from the anxiety, and yet again, we allowed the silence to take over, and the surrounding air turned from intense, to something soft and passionate. But then, much sooner than I had expected, I heard Frank's voice from behind us.

"It's time,"

Although I knew this would disappoint Brandon, we didn't really have much of a choice but to follow Frank's footsteps and head inside again. I nodded my head to show that I heard his words before I looked back at Brandon who sat beside me.

While turning his head in my direction, he affirmed that he also just heard what Frank said. We walked the way over the green grass back to the big door to finally get inside the hospital after two very special hours on the outside of it.

I couldn't believe I just had sexual intercourse with Brandon. Sharing myself with him, in the most intimate way, I allowed him to take a piece of me. A personal piece that only one other person had gotten from me before. My feelings completely took over my otherwise obedient brain. There was nothing I could've done to stop it. It was already too late when he grabbed me with his big, warm, and rough hands under my thighs to lift me up and kiss me passionately against the wall in the empty shed, and it was too late now, because it all already happened.

No matter how much this situation would haunt me with regret later, there was nothing I could do about it. The only thing I could make sure, was that no one ever would get to know about it.

Ever.