Cliché

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"Oh My Sweet Darling~"

Simpbur

Tw: NSFW stuff, stalking, Simpbur being Simpbur

Notes: A shit ton of Simpbur headcannons I came up with over the months that I really proud of

Song: "Turbulent" By Waterparks

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-Simpbur has grown accustomed to the taste of ramen and energy drinks due to the fact that he spends so much money on stream donations. You could give him a glass of water and Bud Light and he wouldn't be able to tell the difference between them

-He's one of those people who are online 24/7 unless they are supervised

-Mans have definitely worked at Mcdonalds at least once in his sad little life

-Has a habit of slightly drooling when you touch him or when he can distinctly smell you. Is always quick to wipe it away though

-Probably had multiple pictures of you in various situations. He prefers polaroid to digital printouts however, so taking them with the flash gets a bit tricky

-Simpbur has one of those inside-out flippable octopus mood plushies just sitting in his dark ass room. Convince me otherwise

-Has dozens of playlists that are all at least nine hours or more long. The majority of them are either based off or dedicated to you of course

-SIMPBUR HAS A LEATHER JACKET THAT HE WEARS SPARSELY AND YOU CAN FIGHT ME ON THAT

-If he found out that you ever wrote or read fanfiction, the teasing would never stop. If he finds out that you wrote smut however, then you're going to get a different reaction all together...

-Takes hot ass showers that last a complete total of three seconds long. There's a reason we call him a greasy little stalker after all

-He had a FNAF phase with Tommy when he was younger. Simbur denies it to this day, but still keeps a sharp eye out for any new releases with the franchise. (The dude flipped his lid when security breach dropped. Didn't come out of his room for days)

-Simpbur. On. A. Motorcycle.

-Bought matching onesies for the two of you to wear as a pair. Them being identical of course so that way you wouldn't notice if he "accidently" wore yours just to sniff up your mouth watering scent

-Hasn't drank water since 2013. His blood runs scarlet with red bull

-One of Simpburs ears is pierced and he normally wears a cracked heart stud in it. (Durring sex however he normally puts in a long metal chain thats cool to the touch. He loves to hear the sounds you make as it drags across your skin lightly; giving you a huge temperature change.)

-You definitely have walked into a video call he was having with his family t least once. Philza and Tommy loved you immediately (Techno was at work so he missed you) while Simpbur sat there in his gamer chair embarrassed and annoyed beyond belief

-Phil loves to tell everybody how Simpbur asked for a pink tricycle for his third birthday. Its a true story too. The things still sitting in a garage somewhere

-He makes songs for a living and posts them on the internet as we all know. You can tell there was a huge skew in the amount of obsessive sounding love songs he wrote however; all of them strangely emerging around the time he met you...

-Definitely tries to teach you guitar just for fun. He enjoys how clueless you look and how hell have to grab your hands softly to guide them across the strings. Defiantly has one too many fantasies about it later

-His ringtone for Tommy is "Bitchboy" By The Oozes

-I can see him being a "broke sugar daddy". If he could, Simpbur would make sure that anything you wanted was yours. But sadly, he can barely afford his water bill. So he settle for smaller things like hoodies and a Spotify premium account for you instead

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[*insert self-loathing joke, but funny*]

634 words

-WayToSarcastic