Imperfect Fear

Eight

My head pounds. I feel like screaming but I stop myself and focus on getting up. People rush to the door and I follow. My pace picks up and I can feel my heart pound in my chest. If I was fast enough I could save her.

My surroundings go blurry and times seems to speed up. As I run, I realise the crowd around me are wearing shocked faces. I don't fully understand what's going on. But I know I need to save Reese.

How sad it is that what I need to save her from is her own gun.

Surely she didn't shoot it. She wouldn't leave me.

I can't say I reach the bottom of the cemetery entrance first, because there are people already running up the stairs. I take notice of the people wearing red shirts. I remember how when I was in the CD hospital wing as a kid, all the medics wore red.

I know I should feel better because it means people are going to help her but I just feel sick, because it means they think she needs help.

They know where she shot that gun.

I reach the ground and burst into fresh air. Out here it is crazy. Who knew so many people in the CD could get up here, and so quickly. People swarm all over the place and I stumble around confused. Where was Reese?

I find a crowd of red, and start running towards them, but someone grabs my hand. I look back to see a puffed Tala, wearing a face of agony.

"Don't Maedana." She pleads and I try to pull away from her.

"Let me go!" I shout but Tala just grips me harder.

"No, Maedana. She wouldn't want you to see her like that." she says and I look away from her to the crowd of red. Tears fall across my cheeks and I feel a sob build in my throat.

"Stop it!" I scream at Tala. "Let me go so I can help her."

Tala shakes her head. She's crying silently, and her eyes are not only sympathetic, they're filled with pain.

I look back at the red mob and watch as they shift and clear a path for a sombre looking group of people carrying a stretcher. I expect to see her face, but I don't. They've covered the stretcher with a sheet of fabric. Tala finally let's me go and I run towards them. They don't respond to me, just keep walking and I try to uncover the stretcher. Just as I'm about to rip the fabric off of it, I see a black stain across the top part. Blood.

Shocked, I stop moving and drop the fabric. I see a sheet white hand fall out as they walk and I think that is when it finally sets in what just happened.

Reese just shot herself.

I watch like a statue, unable to move, as they continue walking. One tucks the hand back under the fabric, and then they're gone. I don't know where, they're just enveloped in the crowd.

I look back to where they had been crowded around to find it has thinned out and I see a pool of blood.

Feeling sick, I fall to my knees and look at the ground. I'm not aware I'm crying until Tala picks me up from the ground and pulls me into an embrace. Instead of fighting it, I just collapse onto her. I sob and sob, and I'm pretty sure she cries a bit. People move around us and I see Therei standing a couple of steps away, watching us with a sad look.

After a while, I don't know exactly how long, Tala pulls away and brings me over to a makeshift set of chairs and sits me down on one. She and Therei take another two, and we sit in silence. My throat is sore from crying and my cheeks are salty with tears.

The three of us just sit silently and watch as the people stream back into the CD. They clean up the blood, while some stand in clumps talking. I caught some occasional glances my way, and a couple of people actually came over and offered things, like blankets. I declined them all with a small shake of the head and they left. It is only when there were only eight or nine people left does Howell arrive. He carries a book in his hands and is followed by the woman from earlier, who looks at us sadly.