Torment

Chapter Twelve

It's crazy how one minute you're having a ball, the best time of your life and then within an instant it gets taken away. That's life, but to me, when I got angry, that was not life. And man did I get angry.

It was the next day. Matt knew, he knew... but in the end he accepted it, in the end he accepted me. I had slept back in the park that night, I was too afraid to even look at the house of my dear old friend. I still don't know where she is and I try not to think about it.

Upon entry, I greeted Matt's mom, but she had barely greeted me back. She seemed dull, strained and completely out of it. She looked tired. I hadn't gotten too much into it.

"Matt?" I called, his room was empty. "Here." I heard his voice coming from somewhere. I followed it and found him lying on the other side of the bed, on the cold floor. He was staring up at the ceiling, not looking at me once.

He shared the same characteristics of his mother that day. I silently layed myself down beside him, reading the room.

"Hey-" He finally spoke, his eyes still on the ceiling. "Hey." I responded, careful not to ask. After a long silence he finally spoke. "You just missed my dad." He began, "my mom and him got into an argument and-" "Oh Matt, I'm so-" "Don't." He tried and there was a long silence again. "I don't know when he's coming back." He spoke again. I didn't say a word. I only felt it. I felt this overwhelming sadness, a sadness too hard to bear, like something you constantly avoid because you know you're not brave enough to take it on whole.

"So, what's it like?" He tried and finally got up. "Er what?" "You know, being dead?" He asked, searching in the corner of his room for something. "Um, it has its perks." I tried, "Yeah? Like what?" He asked. "Well, for starters I can do this- " I began and opened the window with my mind; a trick that was as simple as saying the ABC for me now. "Cool." He tried to smile. "So, are there any cons about it?" He hesitantly asked. I wished I could tell him that I had this anger. This anger that turned me into something completely new, but I couldn't. I didn't want to scare him.

"Not that I've come across, no. Well, besides the fact that there are horrible movies depicting what it's like being dead." I tried to chuckle. He did a light snort. "Look, Matt, everything's going to be okay." I put my hand on his shoulder to calm him down. "Nobody, not even you can guarantee that, but thanks anyway." He lowered and finally turned to me, pulling me into a soft kiss.

But that's when it happened. The part where you think this is all the bad you'll get for the day, but it gets much, much worse. Don't believe people when they say it only gets better. I believe people that say it's going to get a whole lot worse first.

There was a knock on Matt's room door. He hesitantly pulled away and requested that whoever it was should come in. And it was none other than Hannah.

Upon entry she stared at me with amazement. I didn't know why, but she couldn't keep her eyes off of me. "Hannah?" Matt stuttered. "Matt." She briefly said, "Kate, you're here?" She said, it almost sounded like a question. "Er, yeah." I tried. Hannah turned to Matt as if signaling him something with her eyes. He didn't budge and there was an awkward silence in the room.

"So, how's your brother and I could joke, sister in law?" I asked, trying desperately to clear the silence. "Um, they're good, just busy with wedding plans." She replied, her eyes not meeting mine once. I didn't know why she was acting so weird, and I didn't know why Matt was either, but all I knew was how uneasy I was beginning to feel, and how I desperately tried to shake it off.

"So, Matt, I thought you were coming over to my house today…" Hannah broke the silence. My ears must've heard wrong, "Er, no. That was a while ago's agreement Hannah, things have come up-" Matt lowered as if trying to brush it all off. I, for one, couldn't hold back the anger that was boiling. "So, what are you guys up to anyway?" Hannah turned to me again, her eyes somewhat skeptical. For a moment I thought I saw the darkness in her, a darkness people usually hide from, but Hannah trifled in. "We were just talking." I lowered, questionably glancing over at Matt who did a sorry smirk. "Talking? About what, Matt?" Hannah turned to Matt again.

Her questions were beginning to cut into things she didn't need to know. She was imposing far beyond impolite. "Nothing you need to know!" I growled. It came out, so suddenly, I couldn't hold it back. Both of them stared at me with doe-eyes. "Well, er- I'm sorry if I imposed, I guess I should get going. We'll talk about everything real soon again Matt." Hannah gave Matt one last glance before leaving.

"Norah- '' Matt lowered, guilt all over his face. "Hannah, what does she mean by talking about everything… And again?" I asked, my anger coming out in little chunks, something I could maintain for now. "Hannah and I were talking about her family, and the wedding." Matt quickly responded as if holding something back. "The wedding, ha?" I asked, crossing my arms. "What about it, and what about her family?" I asked raising an eyebrow. "Hannah just needed a little help with her wedding chores and we'd just talk about her aunt and uncle and how she misses her cousins who she rarely sees." Matt continued. "Oh, sharing anecdotes, wonderful. Why don't you share some with her then too, ha? No need for me and my absence of happy stories!" I boomed and the windows started rattling. I don't know why I was getting so angry, the fire had died out but my anger hadn't. "Okay, Norah calm down. What are you even saying? Don't tell me you're jealous?!" Matt spoke, hesitantly nearing to me. "Jealous? Well, should I be?" I asked, "Of course not?" Matt reassured me. "Please calm down," he continued. I desperately tried to, but I desperately failed. "I don't want you to see Hannah again…" I let out.

It was completely unreasonable. I trusted Matt, but this anger in me, wouldn't hear it.

"What? Norah, that's insane, I'm helping Hannah with wedding plans." He continued. "She has other friends to help her. It doesn't have to be you." I coldly responded. "Okay, Norah, you're going crazy. Why don't you rethink this…" He continued. "Rethink what? It's done. I don't want you to see Hannah again." I continued. "Norah, Hannah and I are just friends. And what, I'm supposed to look the other way in the school hall when I see her?" He raised an eyebrow, getting impatient. "Whatever helps." I shrugged. He snorted, "Norah you can't be serious…" "But I am. You won't see Hannah again." I stared him dead in the eye. "Okay, Norah-" Matt said, grasping onto my shoulder. "You're not thinking straight, and you're being unreasonable. Hear me when I say nothing is going on between Hannah and I, you have nothing to be jealous about, it's you I choose in the end, and it will always be you no matter what." He sincerely ended it. And just like that my anger melted away. I pulled him into a hug, and he squeezed me right back.

"I'm sorry Matt. I just got so upset." I pulled away and guiltily looked back at him. "It's okay." He smiled. "I get upset too sometimes, and so does every other person." He continued.

"I know it's unreasonable Matt, but I don't trust Hannah, so I need you to promise me that you won't see her, please?" I desperately asked. He stared at me for a moment. "I don't like promises, but I can try." He pulled me into another hug and kissed me on my forehead.

I rested that night under stars on the greenest grass. Finally, everything was coming together. I had Matt, someone who cared, someone who finally saw 'me', and I was at peace…

The next day I eagerly made my way to Matt's. It was midday when I started my walk. Upon my arrival at his house, all of what was left of my heart shattered to pieces. Hannah and Matt were just exiting. The two stopped dead in their tracks and Matt guiltily looked at me. "Norah, wait- " But I ran. I ran so fast that my tears couldn't drip down my chin, instead rolled to my ears. "Norah!" Matt called after me.

He didn't even run after me….