Sirius: My First Love (Band Series #1)

Chapter 34 (Never Again)

They say that if a man cries, the pain is really unbearable.

Men are not really open with their emotions. Kung kaya nilang kimkimin lahat ng nararamdaman nila, itatago at itatago pa rin nila ito.

Because they want to look strong in front of the people they loved. They want to be that kind of person whom anyone can depend on when things gets tough. Pero paano naman kapag sila ang nahihirapan?

They were just keeping it on their own and they wouldn't ask for help because of pride.

That's what Cyrus is doing right now. All of us had no idea of what he's going through and it breaks my heart.

"It's okay to cry. Don't hold back your tears." I keep on patting his back dahil sa bawat segundong lumilipas, mas lalong lumalakas ang mga hikbi nito. Kahit ako man ay umiiyak rin, pinipilit ko pa rin siyang pakalmahin.

On the other point of view, I should also be blamed for what happened. Kung hindi ko lang sana siya iniwan, he wouldn't have to deal with this alone.

"I-I was too l-late," he said between his sobs. Puno ng pagsisisi ang boses niya at sa bawat salitang lumalabas sa bibig nito ay ramdam na ramdam ko ang sakit.

"You did your best Cy. There are really some things that are beyond our control."

He was talking about her mother. I'm sure he's blaming himself but we all know, it isn't his fault.

Umupo ako sa tabi niya at ipinahinga ang ulo nito sa mga balikat ko habang mahigpit na magkahawak ang kamay naming dalawa.

After 10 minutes, I think he finally get a hold of himself.

Parehas kaming tahimik lang at nakikiramdam sa isa't isa. I badly want to know what he is thinking right now so that I can help. Dahil sa mga oras na ito, hindi ko alam kung ano bang dapat kong sabihin o gawin.

I'm not really good at comforting people but I listen. My ears are wide open and and it's the only thing I'm good at.

Just listen.

"I couldn't even thank her for giving birth to me. I couldn't even say that I did not hold grudges towards her when she left me. She must be feeling so bad in her entire life because of me."

He finally opened up.

Cyrus is really a good son. At first, I thought he was finding his biological parents to ask why they left him at para magalit sa kanila katulad ng ginagawa ng ibang anak na iniwan.

... pero mali ako.

Gusto niyang magpasalamat dahil binigyan siya ng buhay at para ipakita rin na lumaki siya ng maayos kahit wala ang kalinga nila. That's why he wanted to be a superstar to show to his parents that he's doing well and they don't need to worry.

"My mother must be really in excruciating pain even when she died.."

"I wish I c-could find her sooner. I wish I was beside her 'till her last breath."

"Fuck. Why do everybody leaves me."

Unti-unti nanaman akong nakaramdam ng pagsisi. Cyrus already have enough but I also abandoned him, hurt him, caused him emotional damage just to protect myself. How selfish of me.

"I'm sorry." I bit my lips waiting for his response because it is the only right word that I think I can say.

"I wanna sleep Kaye," he stated with quavering voice. Tumango ako at tinulungan siyang tumayo. Inayos ko muna ang kama niya bago siya inalalayang humiga.

Cyrus is drunk and I can smell the alcohol in his body. Sa kalagayan niya ngayon, hindi siya pwedeng uminom ng sleeping pills dahil nakainom siya.

So paano siya makakatulog?