Yours to Hold (Louisiana Series #4)

Kabanata 20

20 – Life

I have read a poem once. It says that maybe it's hard to admit that you love someone because you love him in ways you have never loved anyone else.

Maybe it's hard to acknowledge it because it isn't familiar. Or maybe the commitment that comes with it is scary enough to make you turn away. Whatever it is, I find it difficult to face. I don't know how.

Tahimik kong pinagmasdan ang kaniyang mukha habang payapang natutulog. I know I have seen him this close before but I can't get enough of him. Nakaunan ako sa kaniyang braso habang ang isa pa niyang kamay ay na sa baywang ko. The whole house was silent and the lamp was the only source of light. The sheets were messy and some of the pillows fell on the floor.

I bit my lower lip and pulled the blanket even more to cover my naked body, chest down. Hinila ko rin ang kay Calum upang siguraduhing hindi siya nilalamig. He moaned a little when he moved. Lumakas ang kabog ng dibdib ko at binitiwan na ang kumot.

It's still three hours early to go to work but I didn't have a choice. Tahimik akong bumangon at ibinalot sa katawan ko ang kumot. I left the comforter on him so he wouldn't be cold. Hinawi ko ang magulo kong buhok at tumungo sa banyo.

"Ouch.." I whispered.

I immediately shut the door and sighed. Mariin kong pinagmasdan ang sarili ko sa salamin. I removed the blanket on my body. Sunod-sunod ang malalalim kong hininga habang inaalala ang mga nangyari.

I don't regret it but how am I going to face him now? Should we act like nothing happened? Should we talk about it? Dapat bang maghintay akong magising siya? Should I be in bed when he wakes up?

Wait. Would I be clingy if I stayed in bed with him?

"Good morning, Yoon. Ang aga mo yata?"

"I woke up really early. Marami rin akong trabaho ngayon."

Ngumiti ako at ibinalik ang atensiyon sa papel na pangatlong beses ko nang binabasa. I can't understand it because something is bothering me. I left the house two hours ago. Gising na kaya siya?

I shook my head and went out of the office to get a strong coffee. Nagbabakasakali lang na bumalik ako sa wisyo dahil sa kapeng ito. I feel nervous thinking that he might be here at this time. Magagalit ba siyang umalis ako na wala siya? We usually go to work together.

Bumuntong-hininga ako at sumandal sa swivel chair. Saktong nakita ko ang unti-unting pagbukas ng aking pinto at pagsilip ni Ava sa loob. She awkwardly laughed when she saw me looking at her.

"Do you need anything, Ava?"

"Wala naman.." ngumuso siya. "Si Sir Calum kasi.. Pinapasilip kung narito ka."

H-he's here already? Napatingin ako sa wall clock. Mas maaga siyang pumasok ngayong araw. Akala ko ay mahuhuli siya sa trabaho dahil puyat.. O pagod. Nag-init ang pisngi ko sa sariling ideya at umiwas ng tingin.

"Nag-away ba kayo?"

"Hindi.." I denied.

"Bakit parang nag-iiwasan kayo? Puwede namang siya na mismo ang pumunta rito."

Umiling ako at nagkunwaring nagbabasa. Nang umalis si Ava ay pumikit ako nang mariin. Ilang oras ang lumipas ngunit pilit talagang ginugulo ni Calum ang isip ko. I kept on looking at the clock for lunchtime because I want to go out alone. Baka mamaya ay masalubong ko pa siya sa hallway.

"Focus, Eunice. Focus." I whispered.

Muli kong binasa ang report na kabibigay lamang kahapon. I understand it at first but Calum eventually entered my mind again. Hinilot ko ang sentido ko sa muling pag-iisip. Ano kayang reaksiyon niya nang magising na wala ako?