Reckless

3. Feelings

"Mikey?! Where are you?" I tried to speak but it was no use. Mikey was freaking out over the phone as he, I assume, sped through the streets on his bike to get to he hospital. Mitsuya and I sat on a bench outside as the loud sound of a motorcycle got closer. Mikey barley got the bike in park before he jumped off and rushed past us to the automatic doors of the hospital. In a swift, smooth motion Mitsuya grabbed his arm and pulled him to the side where I remained sitting. Other toman members began to arrive as we repeatedly tried to explain what happened, even though none of us knew the exact details. The only one who could give us more information was not present. "Where the hell is Hanagaki? That bitch boy probably saw what happened. I found him doing the absolute least for Draken when I spotted them," I spat out in anger. That scrawny crybaby can never do anything helpful. Drakens life was on the line and all he did was cry over his helpless body. Mitsuya placed a hand on my shoulder and I hadn't even realized I was clenching my fists so tight that blood began to trickle down my palms. There were so many guys here now that I couldn't focus on any conversation going on so I just sat down and closed my eyes to try and find some peace in my mind. I don't think I've ever felt this kind of emotion before. Am I angry? Sad? What is wrong with me?

There was no reason for any of us to stay at the hospital since we couldn't see Draken till tomorrow. Mikey drove me back to his place so we could get some rest. Arriving at the Sano home I immediately went for Emma's bathroom to take a long shower. This is the first time I had seen myself in the mirror since the fight. Shades of black, blue, and purple began to peak through my pale skin in patches all over my body, scabbed over cuts filling the spots in between, and dried blood caused tangles in my hair. Staring blankly at myself until the bathtub threatened to overflow with water. I sunk into them steaming bathwater wincing at the pain as it enveloped my tattered body. I laid there completely submerged keeping just my nose above water. The days events replayed in the darkness I created. My mind went adrift forming fake scenarios of Draken getting stabbed and me not making it to him in time. Tears filled my eyes and I jerked my head above water gasping for air. Breathing heavily for a few moments before cleaning my injuries and getting ready for bed. The light was off in Emma's room by the time I got out so I slept on the couch. Sleepless nights aren't new to me but this was the worst of all. Everytime I got close to sleep nightmares of losing Draken began to play.

Waking up to smell of coffee I peeked over the back of the couch to see Emma in the kitchen. "Oh my god I'm so sorry to wake you" she said as her cheeks turned red. She rushed over to the couch and sat next to me grabbing my hand. "I was so worried about you guys yesterday and then chifuyu filled me in on everything over the phone but I had no way of getting to the hospital and I-" Emma's eyes began to water as tears threatened to fall. "Emma," I squeezed her hand in reassurance, "We are all alive. That's what matters. You don't have to worry anymore so please stop. My head feels like it's gonna explode and you're worrying isn't helping the situation." We all got ready for the day and headed to the hospital.

The parking lot was filled with motorcycles as what seemed like all of Toman was waiting to see Draken. Mikey had to send all of them away since the hospital had visitor limits. Mikey, Mitsuya, Chifuyu, Emma, and I all filled out visitor paperwork so we could come and go as we please within the hospital. There is a two person limit to visit at anytime. We waited in the lobby until a doctor informed us Draken was awake and able to see us. Mikey and Emma went in first, then Mitsuya and Chifuyu. I don't think I will ever be ready to face him like this so I waited to be last. By the time my turn came around the doctors me a minute to give him meds. I sat outside the room anxiously waiting biting my nails and bouncing my leg up and down. I almost ended up in my own hospital bed from a heart attack when a nurse told me I was clear to go in. Taking a deep breathe and wiping my clamy palms on my shirt, I turned the door handle to enter the room.

Draken laid there before me in a blue hospital gown and iv's stretching from his arms to the monitors beside the bed. His dark black eyes stare back at me as a snarky smile form's on his face. "Heard you were scared of losing me. You really think I'd go out that easily?" At first I couldn't form any words but hearing his deep voice brought me back to my senses. "I was scared I wouldn't get to show off that all your worry for me was for nothing. Looks like I should have been the one to try and stop you all along." I walked over to the seat next to the bed, never breaking eye contact with him. He let out a pathetic laugh and used his barely good arm to try and hit me. I grabbed his huge fist to playfully block the hit. Tears began to burn my eyes as I held them back, not wanting him to see me like this. He freed his hand from mine and switched the roles. "Thank you." He let out looking away as his cheeks flushed. I looked down at our hands wrapped together. "You have no reason to thank me." Now I really wanted to cry. "You saved my life yesterday Kiyoko. It wasn't just Emma and the guys telling me what you did, even the doctors told me. So I have every reason to be thankful of you." My cheeks now burned just as much as my eyes. It was second nature to save him. I didn't even need to think twice about it. "I don't remember much of what happened but..." Draken paused before speaking again. I looked up at him to see a few single tears rolling down his cheek. Neither of us are any good as expressing our emotions or feelings. We always suppress everything so we can keep a brave face on for everyone around us. "But one thing I do remember. My life isn't what flashed before my eyes... it was..." the grip of his hand on mine got tighter, "it was you." He said so quietly I barely heard him. What is he saying? My stomach began to twist into a knot and I could feel my palms get sweaty. I have no idea what to say. I feel like everything is in slow motion. How long has it been since he spoke last. "I um-" the words fumbled out of my mouth not knowing where it was gonna go. Draken turned to look at me with red eyes. "You mean the world to me Ki. All I've ever wanted was for you to be safe and happy. I thought that was my last moment and I would have gone out hating myself if things turned out differently. If you had gotten hurt too." His eyes began to scan the cuts and bruises that littered my body. I looked down shyly bringing my free hand to my face to hide it for a moment. "Like I always say, you don't have to worry about me. I learned from the best. Plus I'm to stubborn to let that shit happen." I wanted to say something meaningful back but how do I even begin to do that. Feelings are not exactly my friend. A smile formed on his face and that's all I needed. We spent the next hour talking about anything and everything like we always do. A nurse came in to do a check up and I could tell draken was exhausted. I said my goodbyes and slipped out the door. When the cool night air hit my face I inhaled and exhaled a huge breathe. My body was tense the entire time I spoke with Draken. Stretching the tension out I decided to walk home instead of burdening someone to pick me up. As I walked, all I could do was replay my conversation with Draken. I don't think we've ever had that deep of a conversation. What did it all mean? He's like a brother to me, these feelings couldn't possibly mean something else. Could they?