victim// a salvis fanfiction

thirteen~ villian's spiral into sanity

hey! this chapter contains verbal abuse, watch out for the *!! there will be a summary at the end of the chapter!

~Sal Fisher~

Alone in my bedroom, I stare at the words on the pages below me, a hollowness inside my chest growing more persistent as I read over each word again and again.

Sal. The same boy I hurt time and time again for years, the same boy who beat me senseless yesterday because I deserved it, is the same boy I know I'm in love with. I know he could never love me back. He's a boy. I'm a boy. I know this isn't right. I know he'd never feel the same. I just can't keep living a lie over it. I know he has his opinions of me, and I don't know if I can ever change his mind. A part of me holds out hope that I could have a future with him, one full of kisses and flowers and stupid shit like that.

He's so kind to me, he's so considerate. He shows interest in my life even if it's boring and drab. He has so much to say, he's so passionate about so many things. I could never understand what that's like. I want to spend all of my time with him, to understand him, God forbid even to love him.

CRASH!

The journal slams against my mirror, shards of glass flying through the air. I walk across my room, staring into my shattered reflection. The broken glass distorts the remnants of my face. I stare into my eyes, empty and emotionless.

Voices swim carelessly in my mind, laughter, and cries echoing in the vast space of my head with no thoughts to quiet them. Voices of people I loved.

"Imagine what we could do together."

"That just isn't fair Sally Face."

"Sal Henry Fisher!"

"I think you're a really cool guy."

Voices of people I left. Who left me.

"I told you I was by your side and I meant it, but you've gone too fucking far."

"We don't need you throwing the punches and causing trouble."

"An apology."

His voice is the strongest, the loudest.

"I couldn't leave any of this unsaid."

I wish he left it unsaid.

I wish I had never gone to his house.

I wish I never found that stupid fucking journal.

I wish I never got on that chair.

I wish I never left him.

Tears distort the fragments of the broken mirror crushed underneath my worn shoes.

The harsh knock on my bedroom door makes me jump out of my own skin, I barely manage to get my mask over my face before the door swings open.

**tw starts here**

"Sal I'm ordering dinner what do you..." I watch as he inspects the shards of glass around me, the tilted mirror frame barely hanging on the wall. "What the hell did you do!?"

I think of something to say, anything, but my jaw can only quiver silently. I look away from him, focusing on the shattered mirror fragments below me.

"I try to do one nice thing for you and this is the fucking thanks I get? I work my ass off every day to support you and you don't give a damn! Ungrateful bastard!"

It all happens so fast.

"And goddam you look at me when I'm talking to you!" I feel his hand grab my mask before I can process what he'd said. He jerks my face up, rage burning in his drunken expression.

"Don't fucking touch me!" I shove him off me, regaining my senses as he stumbles into the wall.

He stands still, staring blankly at the ground at my feet. "Sal. Get out."

I'm sure I misheard him, "What?"

"You don't speak to me that way and you don't put your hands on me! Who the hell do you think you are? I swear all you've ever done is bring me trouble. You ruin everything! You fucking ruin everything, Sal. It's all your fault and you fucking knew it and I tried to love you anyway, I swear I did. But do you think it's easy to love the kid that killed your wife? Diane was everything to me and I'm sorry kid but you just aren't." My father looks into my eyes and I know he hates me. I know he does. "You need to leave. And please, don't come back."

**tw ends here**

I stare at him, trying to come up with something, anything, to change his mind. I can't lose my father on top of losing everyone else. I think of pleading, hugging him, and saying how badly I need him, how I need my father. But the set of his jaw and glare in his tired eyes tell me to get out.

*** time skip ***

The snow melts painfully against my exposed hands, gripping helplessly at my arms. I walk with my head down, searching for refuge in the one place I have grown to rely on.

"Larry, I am not smoking that."

I stop in my tracks, the voice paralyzing me in the blizzard of sorrows. I stare at the treehouse before me, the two boys in the window joking blissfully surrounded by the snowfall.

"Travis, it's just pot it's not crack." Larry is laughing hysterically, smoke filling the air between them. Travis rolls his eyes at him and carefully takes the joint from Larry's frostbitten fingertips.

I smile to myself, watching as Travis coughs and Larry smacks on his back through his fit of laughter.

I remember Travis looking up at me hopelessly, hurt and betrayal clear on his broken face. The face I broke.

I think about apologizing, I think about telling Travis he never deserved it, telling him that I forgave all he had done in the past. I think about telling him he wasn't in the wrong, he did nothing wrong.

I think about telling Larry I knew I went too far, telling him I'm useless without him. Telling him I was wrong the whole time, telling him he was right.

I think about it for a long time.

I look up at the treehouse before me and inside are two people better together than they ever were with me.

I smile.

They're happier this way.

I turn in the cold and I walk away, as the snow falls heavier and heavier, my walk turns to a run.

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for those who skipped the trigger warning section~ Henry (Sal's dad) yells at Sal for breaking his mirror, and after Sal stands up for himself Henry blames him for his mother's death and kicks him out of the house

hey!!! its been a while, huh? i would like to thank everyone for your patience while i finished my portfolio, this time off was very well needed but i am so happy to say i'm back!!

today's question~ whats your favorite book(s)?

sincerely,

ashes <3