victim// a salvis fanfiction

ten~ victim's betrayal

hey! this chapter contains mentions of violence and depictions of essentially a panic attack, watch out for the *!! there will be a summary at the end of the chapter for those who choose not to read triggering sections.

~Travis Phelps~

I wake up smiling. Whatever I had dreamed of I'm not sure, but as I remember yesterday my smile grows. Larry and Sal don't seem to hate me, and Sal actually seems to like me. That makes me really excited, I think I have a chance to get my best friend back, and a chance to make a new friend in the process. I don't think I can remember the last time I was this excited. I don't know if I've ever been.

I know they haven't forgiven me yet, and that's okay. Larry said I'll do something worth forgiving, so I decide to start there. I reach under my bed, eager to brainstorm ideas in my journal, but then my hand hits the floor.

My hearts stops.

I feel around but my fingers only find cold wood.

I jump out of my bed, collapsing to the ground in a frantic panic. I look under the bed, but I see nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

Just as I decide to tear apart my room until I find it, my mother's voice interrupts me. "Travis, Honey!" I can tell she's standing at the base of the stairs, hand on her hip and a dishrag tossed over her shoulder. "You're gonna be late for school! Get dressed and come get breakfast, hon!"

Shit.

***time-skip***

By the time I make it to the school building I've managed to forget about my journal, distracting myself with forming another apology for Sal's other friends. Maybe I never punched them, but I know how much deeper words can cut.

I notice something is off when I see everyone crowded in the atrium, the first place you go when you enter the school. I see one person standing taller than the rest, definitely standing on a chair to get the height. I know who it is immediately.

No one else has blue hair like that.

I shove through the crowd to see what's happening, and that's when I see it. In Sal's hands, a leather bound journal. I've made it to the center of the circle, I have the best view. Here I can see the frayed strings off his ripped jeans, I can see the buttons pinned on his jacket. The one he left at my house.

My throat burns and my eyes sting but I clench my fists. I fear of all the things he could read out of there, but it's Sal. He wouldn't. Maybe he found it and was trying to see who's it was? Maybe he was trying to convince everyone I'm trying to be better?

I look in his eyes, and I know that's not true.

He begins to read, everyone in the crowd simultaneously falls into a deep silence. I can hear myself breathing, so I hold my breath because the sound is driving me crazy.

At the first word I know he's reading what I wrote last night, and I feel my heart drop.

"Sal. The same boy I hurt time and time again for years, the same boy who beat me senseless yesterday because I deserved it, is the same boy I know I'm in love with." He stops reading, I'm relieved he didn't read it all but it's too late anyways. The tragic truth is out, the truth I had barely been able to accept myself.

His eyes catch mine and I wonder if he can see the tears forming. I watch him close his eyes, hang his head in what looks like shame, but whatever emotions he was feeling when our eyes meet don't change a thing, because he starts talking again.

*tw for both violence and panic attacks starts here*

"Travis Phelps is gay. Isn't that crazy? Travis fucking Phelps, the faggot hating faggot. How's that sound? I mean I've read through this whole little book and it's really pathetic, a pity honestly." He says more, but my heartbeat is too loud to hear him. Too loud to hear anything. God, why is it all so loud?

I turn to leave but I'm grabbed by the back of my shirt, yanked off my feet and tossed to the ground. I don't know who did it, but it causes everyone to look at me. I get up to run, but I'm kicked down. I find myself in the midsts a mob, and everyone is after me.

Punches and kicks, slaps and slurs, I feel myself falling apart from the inside out. I don't do anything to stop it, one phrase stuck in my head. I deserve this.

I'm not sure what's causing the pain in my chest but it makes me think I'm dying. I can feel my breaths get faster and tighter as my lungs gasp hopelessly for air. I need fresh air. I turn my head to the side and through the dense crowd of people I can see a blue boy turn and walk away, a shake in his delicate hands.

The swarm of kids scatter, probably seeing a faculty member approaching in the distance. I don't stick around to find out, instead I stumble to the doors through hopeless gasps and cries of pain. It wasn't even the beating from half the school that hurt, beatings I can take plenty.

*violence and panic attack tw ends here*

It was the fact Sal found out how I felt and I didn't get to tell him myself. Everyone found out how I felt and I didn't get to tell any single one of them on my own terms. And it was because of Sal too.

I've made it outside, the cold air bites harshly at my tear-stained cheeks, leaving me a shivering mess. I think of Sal, his joyous laugh like a sweet harmony, his painted nails and gemstone rings, his hopeful wishes for his future, insistent he'll be the change in his family. I think of him and I think I'm in a nightmare because how could the Sal I've grown to love do this?

I know how, I just don't want to think about it.

Like Larry said, he changed and it's all my fault. I sit on the front steps and stare down at my shaking hands. It's my fault. I caused this and I deserve it.

"Travis?"

*
*
*

how is everyone? how we feeling?

today's question: have you ever seen a school fight? even better, have you ever been part of one? feel free to share your tales

for those who skipped the tw section: Sal degrades Travis for being gay and Travis is beaten by the surrounding crowd. once they scatter he goes outside.

sincerely,

ashes <3