One Flew INTO The Cuckoos Nest

Chapter Three

You know, I've never liked the idea of pills. I mean it just seems wrong don't it? One little capsule of powder and plastic and you can become a new man. No, no, I don't want those pills poisoning me to be someone else. So instead I lay beneath Ricky's bunk, eyes wide open, sheets clenched tight in my fists. Beads of sweat roll down my face as I toss and turn trying to cool down and get comfortable. They don't strap us down like in the ward of my book but even still I sure do feel trapped.

"I didn't mean to do it." I whimper out into the black vastness of the silent building. I know my struggle will do me little more than make his visit worse, but I can't help it. It's like when I was younger. Mom used to make me take that damn robitussin whenever I had a cough. I knew I had to take it but I couldn't help but put up a fight. As if throwing a tantrum might get me away from that wretched stuff, I knew it never would. But I'd still kick and scream. Maybe it was just to prove that I still had it in me.

I know what is to come and I clench my teeth in a last attempt to stop it from happening, but the attempt is feudal. I feel it slip between my teeth, prying my mouth open wide like a snake eating a rabbit. In thick wet swirls the black fog escapes my throat, scraping me in every spot on the inside as it goes. I watch with fearful eyes as it floats up to the bottom of Ricky's bunk eerily. Slowly it comes together to form the dark shadow of the cloaked monster looming over me.

He doesn't say a word, but he doesn't need to. I know why he's come. He turns his head silently and a cold, hard, bony finger points toward the door of our room. Light slips in beneath it and I want to look away but can't, I am frozen in my bed. Every breath I breath is like sold ice. Every pump of my heart is like a harsh reminder of my being alive. Slowly the door creaks open.

Jamie.

"Ethan? What the hell are you doing?" Jenny's voice shocks me into a new reality and for that I am grateful. I look around to see I am no longer in my room but back in Jenny's. I look at her terrified blue eyes and put a hand to my head. Embarrassment takes over as I realize what has happened.

"I'm sorry.." I mumble. I look down at my shaking hands wondering if I glued them over my eyes if everyone would stop seeing me and I could stop seeing them.

Jenny sighs, "Come on. Let's get you back to bed." She tells me, I just nod like a bobble head as she stands, her silky blue night gown hugging her thin frame sweetly. I follow her across the hall, examining her perfect hair. Even now, after being slept on, it still rolls gracefully over her pale shoulders. She looks so delicate and light, she reminds me of mom's favorite pearl necklace. Maybe I ought to give her one just like it. I think she'd make it look cheap.

Jenny opens my door and throws on the light, "Wait! You're going to wake up Ricky!" I say panicked. The more people that know I woke up and went to Jenny's, the worse I bet I'm in for it.

Jenny rolls her eyes and waves me off, "You kidding? That boy is knocked out cold! He's got bipolar schizophrenia, they aren't going to let him wake up in the middle of the night. You and him should get along, he's one of the few really crazy kids here."

"He seemed normal earlier." I argue.

"We all seem normal at first." Jenny reminds me with a wink. I guess she's right. I mean, I am always the favorite among parents the first time they meet me, then by the second time I'm banned from their household. Like when I first started acting out. Jamie's mom wouldn't even let me see Jamie until the doctors assured her I shouldn't be a threat. Still to this day I hate them doctors.

"So... goodnight?" I say questioningly as Jenny sits on my bed pulling her eyebrows together.

"No, no I don't think so. Don't play me like a fool. Where is it?" she asks.

I stare at her wide eyed wondering what in the world she could mean. I glance around then meet her stern gaze once more. "What are you referring to?" I ask. It's like I'm back  at home all over again. You're always in trouble there, but you never know what in the world you messed up on.

"Your pill. I know you got one. Don't lie." Jenny accuses me and I look at her shocked. I see no reason to argue but lift my hand and point to the pillow next to her.

She dumps out the pill onto the bed without a pause and picks it up. Next thing I knew she's preaching to me about how the pills are important and the pills will save me and the pills are like religion do it and be rewarded or don't and get punished. I tune her out.

I think I found my Miss. Ratched. The lady running the show. And she comes in little bottles of powder filled plastic.