One Flew INTO The Cuckoos Nest

Chapter Eleven

"Ethan just stop it okay?" Jamie demands in tears, "Just please, leave us alone!" She holds a knife in her hand aimed directly at my heart. I have a feeling that if she drove that thing into it though, it wouldn't feel any worse than it already does.
"Jamie, how can I leave you alone?" I yell at her masking my broken heart with anger. She cringes. "How could you leave me alone?" I shake.
"Ethan please... Just go..." She asks again but I shake my head and take a step closer.
"Jamie I love you, don't you see that? I've loved you all these years but you just abandoned me. What am I not normal enough for you?" I demand in a venomous tone but in my conscious I ask it as the shattered boy I am.
"Stay back." She says sternly.
"Jamie please..." I say taking a step forward.
"I said stay back!" And the blurred knife flashes diagonally across my chest leaving a cut just barely deep enough to scar, but the scars it leaves inside will be forever prominent.
I lost her, that much is obvious. I lost Jamie. My first love. I lost her to Liam.

"A boyfriend?" I choke out, my flesh suddenly feeling ice cold even against Jenny's.
She is silent.
"Wh-who?" I ask sitting up.
"His name is Ryan, he's a patient here but he went to visit family for 2 months. He'll be back soon." She whispers so softly I can barely hear it.
"But... I thought..." I can't even produce words. She tells me this after the things we've just done? How can she do this? Tears burn my eyes as I nod and stand up, getting dressed through the blurry mess.
"Ethan I'm sorry... I shouldn't have let that happen." She says behind me.
I don't respond, but pull my t-shirt down, covering the scarred skin.
"Ethan?" She asks.
"What?" I snap, "What do you want me to say Jenny?" I shout.
"Don't yell. Please, don't yell." She says and moves her hands to her ears.
I'm split in half. Half of me wants to comfort her and keep her safe and make her happy, the other half wants to tell her to leave forever.
"Leave." I tell her after a moment of sheer indecision. She doesn't argue, just silently nods. I turn away staring at a picture of some band Ricky likes hanging on the wall until I hear the door click shut. Then the tears start flowing.
My thoughts are unclear, the kind if thoughts that you don't have words for. The kind of thoughts that are simply emotions and not complete sentences. There is nothing I can say to explain how I feel. Language is too limited to explain the hurt, every word is an absolute understatement.
I just want out! I want out! Get me out if here! Out of this life, out of this reality, out of this skin!
As if following my command, my hands raise to my arms, clawing at the skin there like the dirty nails of a wild cat. When my arms are in shreds and dripping blood to the floor I finally blackout, the pains too much to handle. And I don't mean in my arms.

Author's note!
Short one for you guys! :) commmmmmeeeennnntttt
-TEM