Lost In You

kabanata 32

This is the last chapter of the first installment of Social Concern Series. Hoping to see you on the next one-- Eve of Fire. This has been really hard for me since I am not really good at it but I did my best.

The next update would be the epilogue, my favorite. Thank you so much for being with me the whole ride.

Enjoy reading :))

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Kabanata 32

"Hey, are you okay?"

Napalingon ako kay Theo na nasa tabi ko. Sya na ang nag-end ng call. Hindi ko na kasi alam kung paano igalaw ang mga kamay ko.

"He's dying. My father's dying.."

Nanigas sya sa kinauupuan nya. Right, apektado sya. It was my father's fault why his father died.

"Do you want to see him? To say goodbye?"

"No.."

"Would you be okay, though?"

Natahimik ako. Hindi ko rin alam ang sagot.

I scoffed, "I hate him. I hate that I loved him as a father. He's the reason of all my sufferings. He didn't love me. He was never there. He threatened me with a knife. He harassed me. That's how much of a not-father he's been to me."

"I'm supposed to grieve.." nilingon ko sya, "He's dying and I'm supposed to grieve, right? Hindi ko lang maintindihan.. Why is it that the people who created us get all the credits? Kapag naging maganda ang buhay ng anak mo, mapupuri yung mga magulang.."

"They even get a holiday named after them.. Father's day.." I mentally laughed. "I mean, there are good fathers out there. But still, why? Why are we tortured with guilt if we don't want to have a relationship with them? If he wasn't a father to me, why do I owe him? A goodbye.. a forgiveness. Why is it the child who always has to forgive?"

Napayuko ako. "Because she's your mother.. because she's your father.." I quoted. "You know what, I'm so done. I'm done feeling bad about not feeling bad."

Hinawakan ni Theo nang mahigpit ang mga kamay ko.

"You don't owe him anything, Craya."

"I don't want to put myself through another death just to make him feel better.."

"I understand.. Gawin mo ang gusto mong gawin, Craya. Para sa sarili mo. Hindi para sakanya. Don't think about talking to him just because he's your father. You don't have to especially if you're not okay with it.."

Tumulo ang mga luha ko nang marinig ang mga salita nya. He understands me. Palagi naman.

Yumakap ako sakanya at agad kong naramdaman ang pagbalik nya ng isang mahigpit na yakap. Nanatili lamang kami sa ganoong pwesto hanggang sa kumalma ako.

"I cannot forgive him, Theo.." bulong ko.

"And it's okay.." sagot nya. Tumango ako kahit na alam kong hindi nya kita, ngunit naramdaman nya. "You don't have to.. Lagi nilang sinasabi na dapat daw magpatawad tayo para maka-usad tayo. But it isn't applicable with everything. Please, know that you control your life. Only you. It is okay to move forward without forgiving the people who have wronged you."

"You have your time, Craya. Magpatawad ka kapag kaya mo na, hindi dahil sa sitwasyon. No one's rushing you.." bulong nya at naramdaman ko ang paghalik nya sa buhok ko.

"I will talk to my Mom." bulong ko sakanya.

"Okay.. Whenever you're ready."

"Tomorrow."